20-ish chick: That girl beasted your seat.
College guy: Which girl?
20-ish chick: Some girl — when you got up she made a beeline for your seat.
College guy: Was she hot?
20-ish chick: What?
–Barnes & Noble, Astor Pl
Overheard by: she was hot
Archive for January, 2020
Our Best Guess Is Uncle Walter
Little girl: … And then she said that I had herpes.
Woman #1: Coño.
Woman #2: Where do kids get this stuff?
–Lincoln Center
Hence Shonen Knife’s Tomato Head
Black chick: Hey, come here, look. Did you know that Asians can’t drink? Look at her face. It’s all red.
–Diesel, West Broadway
Night Train, Thunderbird and Wednesday One-Liners
Crazy hobo with guitar to stranger: Damn… you invited a lot of people.
–1 Train
Hobo to young married couple: I have found the promised land. Seriously. I'd get a plane ticket right now, but it'd be cheaper to go to confession for a week and then get hit by a bus. Remind me to tell you about this later.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Oliver
Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-something girl walks past him, with businessman a few steps behind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…
–W 3rd & Thompson
Hobo, taking donations to help the homeless, counting coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fistful of coins sticks in pocket) Tax rebate!
–Union Square
Poetry in Motion
Girl: I love watching people on subways.
Guy: I know, right? I like making short poems 'bout them, too. (points discretely at JAP across subway car) “Slutty white girl looks around train. Adjusts boobs. Looks around again.”
–1 Train
Is It Too Late to Give You a Puzzle?
Teen ghetto girl: If you had a daughter…
Teen ghetto boy: If I had a daughter, there ain’t no way she’d be leavin’ the house with them short shorts and shit. And she fo’ sho’ wouldn’t be playin’ with them barbies. Barbies is evil. They mess with girls’ brains, makin’ them think they need to show off their shit and have babies when theys like 15. No barbies. Only puzzles.
–Manhattan bound N train
Overheard by: lauren
The 2004 Election Affected Us All Differently
Old woman to am New York guy: So that was about four years ago, and I haven't been with another man since.
am New York guy: Oh yeah?
–8th St & 34th St
Actually…
Girl on bus looking at a Six Flags sign: Why do they call it Six Flags?
Guy: Yo, bitch! Count the flags!
–Bus, Queens
Overheard by: Nicoletta
Tonight’s Movie: The Picture of Doreen Gray and Her Sister
Girl #1: So, do you and your twin sister look alike?
Girl #2: Well, if we’re standing next to each other we are, like, totally identical, but if you look at a picture of us, we look nothing alike… Do you want to take my picture?
Girl #1: Ummm…
Girl #2: Go ahead. You can take my picture.
–56th St, between 5th & 6th Ave
Just Find Star Jones and Follow Her Trail
Brit: Excuse me, do you know where the Photography Museum is please?
Newsagent: Chocolate Museum?…Hey mamma, you know where the Chocolate Museum is?
Mamma: I never heard of no Chocolate Museum.
Brit: Not to worry. Thanks anyway.
–53rd St. Newsstand
Overheard by: Shaun Riordan