Tourist in crowd waiting for crosswalk: [Sneezes.]Suit: Shut the fuck up!
–47th & 6th
Overheard by: dan.j.w.
Archive for February, 2020
Don’t Worry– It’s for Purely Sexual Purposes
Woman: Someone told me that there was a dead squirrel around here.
Sanitation woman: Don’t worry, we threw it away.
Woman: Oh. Do you know where? I’d like to have it.
–Washington Square Park South
Overheard by: Biebs
Well, Yeah — In Case It’s Not Apple Cider
Student #1: Holy shit. That girl just dropped apple cider and a carving knife out of her suitcase.
Student #2: Right, but you’re also barefoot and wearing a scuba mask.
–Elevator, Hayden Residence Hall
Overheard by: Will be using the elevators less frequently
Panda: “I Feel Somehow…Unfulfilled.”
Very little girl: Okay, this is not going to be minutes, this is not going to be seconds: where is the panda?
Dad, looking around outdoor enclosure: Um… Oh! There it is!
Very little girl, peering through fence: I can't see it!
Dad, lifting her just above fence: How's that?
Very little girl: Okay! Let's go!
–Red Panda Habitat, Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
That Was a Request, Not a Complaint
Guy #1: Yo B., let’s cross here.
Guy #2: Did you just call me Babe?
Guy #1: No, niggah, I called you B.! You outta your fuckin’ mind?
–Spring & W. Broadway
Time for New Friends
Girl #1: How much does he want?
Girl #2: Ten dollars.
Girl #1 to gypsy cab: Fuck you! I’d rather drag my friend home on her face than pay you ten dollars!
–Union Square East
Overheard by: Jim
Or You’re Harvey Fierstein
Woman: I got yoo-hooed just now by Greg.
Man: Yoo-hooed?
Woman: Yeah, he totally waved his hand and said, ‘Yoo-hoo!’
Man: Dude, you just can’t say that if you’re under the age of 65 and not referring to a chocolate beverage.
–Central Park
She Had a Case of the Sundaes
Guy #1: Yo, I can’t believe that girl played you like that!
Guy #2: I know, I did everything for her.
Woman: Oh, no! Does somebody have a case of the Mondays?
Guy #2: Shut up, Miss Piggy.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: J. Hudson
More Americans Get Their Delusions from ABC News Than from any Other Source
Woman: I used to be delusional.
Friend: What was happening, were you medicated?
Woman: Oh yes, I had to be severely medicated. I thought I was going to marry Peter Jennings.
Friend: Was it hard for you when he died?
Woman: Actually, I was selfishly happy because I didn’t have to worry about having delusions about him anymore.
–W 105th St & Amsterdam Ave
This Season, Neuroses Are the New Black
Brunette teenage girl: So I was doing my once-a-month therapy session and…
Blond teenage girl: I'm getting a therapist!
Brunette: Score! (they high five)
–Park Slope