12-year-old girl: Mom, can we get a hot dog or something later?
Girl's mom: No, it'll make you fat.
12-year-old girl: But…
Girl's mom: Fat!
–F Train
Overheard by: Immallama
Archive for February, 2020
…By Show Of Hands?
Woman begging: Spare some change? Anyone spare some change? Can I have the rest of your drink?
Woman sitting on platform bench: I'm not giving you my fucking drink!
Woman begging: Eat me!
Woman sitting on platform bench: Who the fuck would want to eat your pussy?
–7 Train
Overheard by: Scott
…Now You Have Fake Hunger
Girl: I'm still so hungry!
Guy: I told you, you should have eaten some of my California roll.
Girl: But it had dead animal in it. (pause) Well, fake dead animal, but still… see more.
Guy: Yeah, I get it…
–Christopher St
When Sufferers Meet Surfers
Young Jewish boy handing out flyers: Are you Jewish?
Couple walking by: No, we're Australian.
–7th Ave & 56th St
Overheard by: Lisa
NewsFlash: Crackhead Slain on 2 Train! Film at Eleven.
Crackhead to white girl: I want a little white girl. Okay, a little white lily, she so mad, I want a little white girl, not a black girl, they broke my heart too many times. You think I'm harassing you because you're white and I'm black.
Girl on train: I'm not white, okay? I'm not white, stop looking at me. I don't look remotely white, or Caucasian.
Crackhead: I'm not into fat girls, so I'll look somewhere else. I'm not into fat jokes, just black jokes. You probably think I'm into white guys, not white girls, just call me gay. Are you trying to slip away?
Girl on train: Did he just call me fat?
–Downtown 2 Train
And This Over Here Is a Box-Cutter, Which Is Used on Muslim Christmas
Midwestern child: Daddy, what’s that candle thing?
Midwestern father: It’s called a menorah. They use it on Jewish Christmas.
—Spamalot, Shubert Theatre, W 44th St
Is That a Pro Bono in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Glad to See Me?
Middle Eastern guy with only very slight accent, to his lawyer: So do you think the judge will let me out of the contract?
Middle aged white lawyer: Sure. Just say that the interpreter signed the contract without telling you what it said.
–Civil Court, Sutphin Blvd, Jamaica
Overheard by: Big Larry
All Three Of Them.
Guy #1: Dude, what's with the hot water?
Guy #2 (with pierced nipples): My nipples like steaming hot water. That's how they roll.
–NYU Palladium
Overheard by: Zacharia
Gay As Fireman Calendars, Both of ‘Em
Woman #1: I heard your son started going to my son’s doctor.
Woman #2: Yeah, he has a great bedside manner… And he has a handlebar mustache, too, haha.
Woman #1: Yeah, so does my gyno.
–29th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jeffrey G.
As It Clearly States in Joss Whedon's Version Of the Bible
Professor: Does anyone know where the term “Passover” comes from?
Student: It's because the Jews put blood on their doors so Jesus would pass over their house and not kill the first-born son.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: dundun