Archive for February, 2020

Well, Yeah — In Case It’s Not Ap­ple Cider

Stu­dent #1: Holy shit. That girl just dropped ap­ple cider and a carv­ing knife out of her suit­case.
Stu­dent #2: Right, but you’re al­so bare­foot and wear­ing a scu­ba mask.

–El­e­va­tor, Hay­den Res­i­dence Hall

Over­heard by: Will be us­ing the el­e­va­tors less fre­quent­ly

Pan­da: “I Feel Some­how…Un­ful­filled.”

Very lit­tle girl: Okay, this is not go­ing to be min­utes, this is not go­ing to be sec­onds: where is the pan­da?
Dad, look­ing around out­door en­clo­sure: Um… Oh! There it is!
Very lit­tle girl, peer­ing through fence: I can’t see it!
Dad, lift­ing her just above fence: How’s that?
Very lit­tle girl: Okay! Let’s go!

–Red Pan­da Habi­tat, Cen­tral Park Zoo

Over­heard by: Su­san Vol­chok

Or You’re Har­vey Fier­stein

Woman: I got yoo-hooed just now by Greg.
Man: Yoo-hooed?
Woman: Yeah, he to­tal­ly waved his hand and said, ‘Yoo-hoo!‘
Man: Dude, you just can’t say that if you’re un­der the age of 65 and not re­fer­ring to a choco­late bev­er­age.

–Cen­tral Park

More Amer­i­cans Get Their Delu­sions from ABC News Than from any Oth­er Source

Woman: I used to be delu­sion­al.
Friend: What was hap­pen­ing, were you med­icat­ed?
Woman: Oh yes, I had to be se­vere­ly med­icat­ed. I thought I was go­ing to mar­ry Pe­ter Jen­nings.
Friend: Was it hard for you when he died?
Woman: Ac­tu­al­ly, I was self­ish­ly hap­py be­cause I did­n’t have to wor­ry about hav­ing delu­sions about him any­more.

–W 105th St & Am­s­ter­dam Ave