Hipster girl #1: Yeah, but it was okay because my anal beads, as usual, did the job.
Hipster girl #2: Really? Because they just haven’t been working for me lately.
–Union Square
Archive for March, 2020
It’s Only Travel If You’re Going Somewhere Humans Live
Girl #1: Okay, but I don’t want to be out too late tonight because I have to travel tomorrow.
Girl #2: You do *not* have to *travel* tomorrow…you have to get on a bus to Atlantic City tomorrow.
–E 19th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Silent J
Don’t Make Me Do Math, Okay?
Guy #1: Yeah… she’s bipolar.
Guy #2: Really? I thought she was straight.
–Spring & Broadway
Overheard by: Kat
I’m Pretty Sure It’s Called The G Spot
Girl #1: Man, if I’m going to go to that party tonight, I gotta shave my hair.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too. Where is the best price around here?
Girl #3: There’s one on Lexington by my place, and a guy does it, and he’s so hot I just want him to accidentally shove his dick up me.
Girl #2: Then we’ll go to that place!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Andrew
Mom Also Believes The 9/11 Commission Report
Daughter: I’m itchy.
Annoying mother: Don’t you dare take off your shoes! I mean it.
Daughter: But I’m itchy!
Annoying mother: I already told you–do not take off your shoes!
Daughter: I’m itchy!
Annoying mother: Don’t!
Daughter: But I’m itchy!
Annoying mother: Do you know why your feet are itchy? Because you don’t eat your vegetables!
–Q64 Bus
Overheard by: Rebecca
…Just Not Socially.
Guy at party: So I just moved to Long Island City, I’m not sure how I feel about not being in Manhattan.
Girl: While at least you’re close to the Hamptons!
–19th St & 11th Ave
Now She’s Insulting Me!
Drunk girl to very drunk guy falling asleep on girl: Get the fuck off her lap!
Very drunk guy, slurring: She grabbed me.
Drunk girl: That was me, you idiot!
–Q Train
Overheard by: Brooke
Not Sure You Avoid That with the “I Heart NY” Shirt, Though
Chick: Would it have been okay if I’d worn my shirt with a zebra on it today, or would that be like wearing a band shirt to a concert?
Dude: Yeah, that’s exactly how it would be. Like, it’s okay if you wear the opening band’s shirt, but not the headliner. If you wore your zebra shirt, we would’ve had to skip the zebras.
Chick: You’re right, I would have looked sooo groupie.
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Sromeo
Wednesday One-Liners? Kinky!
300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he’s into that kinky downtown shit.
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: bastardo
Loud upstate girl: I think…doin’ any kinda research inta furries? You’re in trouble.
–Hudson & Houston
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Hoochie: I mean, you gonna handcuff me, then handcuff me. But, you know, when I gotta go do my shit, I gotta go.
–1st St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: stephie
Curly-haired girl on cell: I’ve totally got a cold too! But I’ve also got bondage tape. And a cell phone activated vibrator.
–Ouidad salon
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Suit to another, while having lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from behind.
–Central Park
Guy at table: You know, she’s a quality girl, even when I was in handcuffs, I could tell that she was a quality girl.
–Carnegie Deli
Overheard by: Spazz
So Stop Struggling against the Handcuffs
Son: Why you doin’ that?
Father: I am your father. It’s my job.
Son: No, it’s not.
Father: But I’m enjoying what I’m doing.
–1 train, Chamber St
