Archive for April, 2020

How Much Is That Wednes­day One-Lin­er in the Win­dow?

Man eat­ing brunch to male friend: We both came out sev­en years ago. We are pup­py gay in dog years.

–Big Dad­dy’s Din­er

Over­heard by: Mor­gan

Very lov­ing mom talk­ing to daugh­ter about her son: Hey! He is not an an­i­mal, he is not a dog. Well, at least not to­day!

–Hel­l’s Kitchen

Out­raged woman to man: What? No! Do not put the dog in the fur­nace, Ted!

–Court Street

Chick with cig­a­rette, on cell: … Leath­ery fetish dog-masks, or just Hal­loween style dog-masks?

–Out­side Tagine, 40th & 9th

Over­heard by: La­dle

Philo­soph­i­cal suit: The on­ly rea­son I haven’t di­vorced my wife is be­cause of the dog.

–Up­per East Side

Still Tak­ing Ado­lessons

Bim­bette #1: I don’t want to grow up. The re­al world is scary.
Bim­bette #2: Yeah… Pu­ber­ty sucks.
Bim­bette #1: Um­mm, I don’t know about you, but I’m pret­ty sure pu­ber­ty is done when you’re, like, fif­teen. We’re 18 now…
Bim­bette #2: Oh. Well, maybe I’m a late bloomer.

–UES

Over­heard by: Al­lie

Wait– Think There Are Any Hot Guys on the Bus?

Queer #1: Black peo­ple re­al­ly must like tak­ing the bus.
Queer #2: You’re dis­gust­ing.
Queer #1: What? I al­ways see them wait­ing in line for bus­es.
Queer #2: That’s be­cause they may have some fi­nan­cial is­sues.
Queer #1: Well, so do I, but I don’t take the bus.
Queer #2: On­ly buy­ing things that are on sale at Bergdor­f’s and liv­ing pay­check to pay­check are two very dif­fer­ent things.

–14th St & 8th Ave

Re­mem­ber That Whole Strike Thing?

Guy: God damn it! Where were you? I wait­ed an hour for you to show up! Were you on a cof­fee break or what?
Bus dri­ver: Sir, that’s not pos­si­ble, the lead bus was on­ly ten min­utes ahead of me. I watched him pull out of the de­pot.
Guy: Screw you! You guys are the re­al ter­ror­ists! You’re what Home­land Se­cu­ri­ty is try­ing to pro­tect us against!

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal, Stat­en Is­land