Archive for June, 2020

Where Else Can You Get Labia Jewelry on the Street?

Man selling glasses on the street: Would you like a piercing today?
Woman on phone: Hang on… What?
Man selling glasses: Would you like to get a piercing today?
Woman: Would I like a…? No, I would not like to get a piercing today. (back into phone) I love New York.

–St. Mark’s St

Overheard by: Logan

How to Make a Student Yearn to Discuss Polynomials

Female tutor: Okay, so do you want a soy hot chocolate?
12-year-old student: No, that tastes funny.
Female tutor: So you want cow milk, eh? How would you feel if you were hooked up to a machine all day giving milk?
(student is silent)
Female tutor: You know it’s breast milk right?
Student: Yeah.
Female tutor: Moooooo moooooo. (makes suckling noise.) Moooo moooo! (Makes suckling noise)

–Hopscotch

Overheard by: bildita

And Willing to Share Her Meth

Guy: So, Rob slept with that trailer trash chick last night.
Girl: Holy shit! Which one?
Guy: The meth-head-looking one. You don’t think she looks like total trailer trash?
Girl: Oh my god, she had trailer trash oozing out of her fucking pores!
Guy: So why were you talking to her half the night?
Girl: Whatever. She was really nice.

–Terrace table, Blue Water Grill, Union Square

Overheard by: ebizzle

By Shooting Him

Guy to girlfriend: You didn’t even invite me in! You didn’t treat me as good as you’d treat any other customer! (later) No, the next time some dude tries to give you his number, you take it, you understand? That way, I can hunt him down and tell him you aren’t interested, and he’s inappropriate!

–1 Uptown/Times Square

Overheard by: ggirl