Guy: … And you know, I could be, like, the dude that videotapes it.
Chick: I told you already, I don’t even like girls!
Guy: Yeah, well, I’d kind of like it better if you did.
–6th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: voidoid
Archive for July, 2020
How Would You Feel If Someone Said You Were from the Upper West Side?
Preppy guy: She’s half Mexican. Her father is from Spain.
Preppy girl: Wouldn’t that make her half Spanish, not Mexican?
Preppy guy: What is the difference?
–83rd St & 2nd Ave
Wait– Do We Know How to Sew?
Pretty girl to friends: Oh, wait! They have a section for sewing supplies!
Friend: They have an actual sewing supply section here?
Pretty girl: Yeah, it’s as big as my dick, but they have one.
–Duane Reade
So I Put the Old Guy Out of His Misery
Shop guy: Well, I can help you if you want.
Old guy with carton of figs: Don’t help me! Do it for me, dammit!
–75th & Broadway
Overheard by: punkee
The Pleasure of Double Treyf?
Chick: Is marijuana vegan?
Father: It is unless you roll it in elephant hide. Or foreskin.
Mother: A joint rolled in foreskin would give you two pleasures at once!
–13th between 5th & 6th
Overheard by: Colin
Figures Don’t Lie
Girl: How long since we broke up is it okay for my ex to start having sex?
Guy: Who broke up with who?
Girl: I broke up with him last week. He slept with four girls since.
Guy: I think if you broke up with him, it’s okay for him.
Girl: Damn, cause I only slept with one guy since. But I did cheat on him with three guys, so we’re even.
–21st St
Overheard by: learning something new everyday
We Call It… The Aristocrats!
Mother #1: Yeah, Thanksgiving is so crazy. I decided long ago not to travel; it’s too much with the kids.
Mother #2: I know. I went to California once with the kids, and it was insane!
Mother #1: We just have a nice, quiet dinner at home.
Mother #2: I know! Once, we had a pantsless Thanksgiving. We all sat around the table without any pants on and ate dinner. The boys were crawling on the table, it was great!
Mother #1: Yikes…
–Avenue of the Americas
And Isn’t a “Safety Position”, Like, a Sex Thing?
College girl #1: I mean, if I saw a person seizing in the middle of the street, I probably wouldn’t help them.
College girl #2: Yeah, I wouldn’t know what to do.
College girl #1: She said that because of her first aid class, she knew to put him in a safety position, but I don’t even know what that means! I mean, if a person is having a seizure, I don’t think any position is very safe for them…
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Scarlett
Then Pay Me a Dollar Not to Clean It
Hobo: Hey, can I clean the snow off your car for a dollar?
Girl cleaning car: Ummm, no way.
Hobo: Even when it’s cold white people are assholes.
Girl cleaning car, to passerby: I don’t want his smelly ass touching my baby.
–115th St & Frederick Douglass Blvd
Overheard by: Paula
No Wonder Cats Was So Full of Cantilevers
Guy: I think this museum was designed by Frank Lloyd Webber.
Woman: The playwright?
Guy: This is not art. I’m asking for my money back.
–Guggenheim Museum
