Archive for August, 2020

You Ghetto-of-the-Ivy-League Poser

Columbia student: Do you go to NYU?
NYU student: Yes, how did you know?
Columbia student: I could tell by your dirty shoes. NYU gets their students from the homeless shelter.
NYU student: Excuse me?
Columbia student: I’m your biggest enemy.
NYU student: What?
Columbia student: I go to Columbia.
NYU student: Can you leave me alone?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: Cooper Union Student

You’d Think They’d Tailor Them More to Me

Conductor (over PA system): Make sure you pick up all your belongings… If you have small children, be sure to take them by the hand before leaving the train. Thank you for riding New Jersey transit, and have a great day.
Jersey girl (to suit): Now see, I don’t have children! They haven’t thought these announcements through.

–NJ Transit

And Look What Happened to Them.

Drunk white girl #1: African Americans smoked a lot of weed back in the day.
Drunk white girl #2: Yeah! That’s why they’re so strong and shit today. Weed is what made the blacks strong!
Drunk white girl #1: Oh… Did I say “African Americans”? I meant to say “American Indians.”
(both laugh)

–Outside Le Bar Bat, Hell’s Kitchen

Wait, You Got Peeps?

Woman in self-scan lane, yelling at employee: These Peeps won’t scan!
Employee: Ma’am, please calm down. I can scan them in for you.
Woman: No, you know what? I don’t need the Peeps. I’ll take my Pepsi and forget the Peeps. Peeps not scanning… Ugh!
Employee, under her breath: Every fucking time this bitch is in here…

–Food Emporium

Overheard by: Meaghan

It Makes It Look Bigger

Girlfriend: So, my Christopher is a little feminine sometimes…
Boyfriend: I spent two hours shaving this morning!
Dude: Yeah, but shaving what, is the question.
Girlfriend: Not that.
Boyfriend: No, that was yesterday.
Dude, disgusted: I was talking about your legs, but thanks…

–Hershey’s store, Times Square

Overheard by: equally disgusted

Nah, I’ll Just Punish You Myself, Later

PA subway announcement: A crowded subway car is no excuse for unlawful sexual contact.
Swedish girlfriend, grabbing boyfriend’s crotch with both hands: Does this mean that you’re going to report me now?

–6 Train

Overheard by: klondike