Archive for August, 2020

You Ghet­to-of-the-Ivy-League Pos­er

Co­lum­bia stu­dent: Do you go to NYU?
NYU stu­dent: Yes, how did you know?
Co­lum­bia stu­dent: I could tell by your dirty shoes. NYU gets their stu­dents from the home­less shel­ter.
NYU stu­dent: Ex­cuse me?
Co­lum­bia stu­dent: I’m your biggest en­e­my.
NYU stu­dent: What?
Co­lum­bia stu­dent: I go to Co­lum­bia.
NYU stu­dent: Can you leave me alone?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Over­heard by: Coop­er Union Stu­dent

You’d Think They’d Tai­lor Them More to Me

Con­duc­tor (over PA sys­tem): Make sure you pick up all your be­long­ings… If you have small chil­dren, be sure to take them by the hand be­fore leav­ing the train. Thank you for rid­ing New Jer­sey tran­sit, and have a great day.
Jer­sey girl (to suit): Now see, I don’t have chil­dren! They haven’t thought these an­nounce­ments through.

–NJ Tran­sit

And Look What Hap­pened to Them.

Drunk white girl #1: African Amer­i­cans smoked a lot of weed back in the day.
Drunk white girl #2: Yeah! That’s why they’re so strong and shit to­day. Weed is what made the blacks strong!
Drunk white girl #1: Oh… Did I say “African Amer­i­cans”? I meant to say “Amer­i­can In­di­ans.”
(both laugh)

–Out­side Le Bar Bat, Hel­l’s Kitchen

Wait, You Got Peeps?

Woman in self-scan lane, yelling at em­ploy­ee: These Peeps won’t scan!
Em­ploy­ee: Ma’am, please calm down. I can scan them in for you.
Woman: No, you know what? I don’t need the Peeps. I’ll take my Pep­si and for­get the Peeps. Peeps not scan­ning… Ugh!
Em­ploy­ee, un­der her breath: Every fuck­ing time this bitch is in here…

–Food Em­po­ri­um

Over­heard by: Meaghan

It Makes It Look Big­ger

Girl­friend: So, my Christo­pher is a lit­tle fem­i­nine some­times…
Boyfriend: I spent two hours shav­ing this morn­ing!
Dude: Yeah, but shav­ing what, is the ques­tion.
Girl­friend: Not that.
Boyfriend: No, that was yes­ter­day.
Dude, dis­gust­ed: I was talk­ing about your legs, but thanks…

–Her­shey’s store, Times Square

Over­heard by: equal­ly dis­gust­ed

Nah, I’ll Just Pun­ish You My­self, Lat­er

PA sub­way an­nounce­ment: A crowd­ed sub­way car is no ex­cuse for un­law­ful sex­u­al con­tact.
Swedish girl­friend, grab­bing boyfriend’s crotch with both hands: Does this mean that you’re go­ing to re­port me now?

–6 Train

Over­heard by: klondike