Ditz #1: So yeah, I think Jesus was totally a mongoose soul.
Ditz #2: Totally. And Harry Potter, too.
(they nod together)
–F Train
Overheard by: Numbat
Archive for September, 2020
In the Realm of the Faceless, the Ugly Girl Is Queen
Schoolgirl #1: You know that girl in our global class?
Schoolgirl #2: The one with the face.
Schoolgirl #1: Yeah!
–Outside of Murry Bergatrum High School
Maybe Suit Needs a Mom, Too
Chick: Mine is the one that’s not a dead animal.
Mom: The dead animal is mine…Actually, it’s many animals. Many vicious animals. They deserved to die, to keep me warm!
–ViceVersa, West 51st Street
Overheard by: Mic Cruz
He Got Down on One Knee and Offered Me a Cock-Ring
New Yorker: So, having a romantic evening in New York?
Tourist: Yeah… I went sex toy shopping last night.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: laughing awkwardly
As the Dodgers Said in 1957
Guy #1: (howls like an animal)
Guy #2: (makes owl noise and starts hooting)
Group of people, including guys #1 and #2: (all start making animal calls, screams, hoots etc)
Man #1 on train: Shut the fuck up!
Group of howlers: (sporadically throws in more animal noises and then profusely thanks the glaring audience as they exit train)
Man#2 on train: At least they’re someone else’s problem now.
Man#1 on train: I’m never going to Brooklyn again.
–F Train
Overheard by: it only takes 3 stops to decide
You Aren’t Being Served
Arts Club guy: Hello, young woman! How may I help you?
Shaved head woman: Uh…can we get some drinks?
Arts Club guy: This is a private club. We’re closed.
Shaved head woman: Well, I am a member.
Arts Club guy: If you were a member, you would know that we were closed.
–National Arts Club, Gramercy Park South
Overheard by: Olivia + Will Halman
You’re the One Who Said Hot Dogs Aren’t Real Food
NYU girl: There’s not enough time. You can’t get lunch.
NYU boy (running towards a hot dog cart): I can. I’m hungry!
NYU girl (shouting after him): You’re fat!
–Washington Square Park
Unless I Got Frequent-Flyer Miles
Hoochie #1: I’m okay with abortions and everything, but I think if I had to get them every other month that’d be nasty.
Hoochie #2: Uh-huh.
–LIRR, Huntington Branch
Overheard by: Mark Schilsky
Best Weight Loss Plan Ever.
Guy #1: How’s that new apartment?
Guy #2: Every night the rats eat a little bit more of my foot…
–N Train
Now I Just Need to Find Someone Who Enjoys Pushing Them
Chick #1: Wow, I like your pants.
Chick #2: Thanks. I’m a really big fan of superfluous buttons.
–NYU
