Archive for October, 2020

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Get Their Mouths Washed Out with Soap

Glee­ful lit­tle boy: We will, we will fuck you! We will, we will fuck you! [Bursts in­to gig­gles.]

–1 train

Over­heard by: caitlinj

Guy: I mean, I was­n’t ex­pect­ing be­ing fucked, ei­ther!

–55th & 8th

Over­heard by: Mari­ah

Guy on cell: You know what? Cleo fucked you, so fuck it — we’re fucked.

–For­est Hills

Tough guy with five-year-old: Hey, bud­dy! Don’t fuck­ing push me! I’ve got my fuckin’ kid here!

–1 train

Over­heard by: wba

His­pan­ic la­dy with stroller, on cell: Moth­a­fuckin’ [Span­ish]… Fuckin’ ass­hole [Span­ish]… Son of a [Span­ish]… Fuckin’ moth­a­fuckin’ [Span­ish]… Bun­ny rab­bit [Span­ish]… Fuck.

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Mike N (does­n’t speak Span­ish)

Wednes­dan­i­mal One-Lin­ers

Suit on cell: Most peo­ple want their pets paint­ed.

–Prince & Broad­way

Drunk guy yelling at busker while be­ing dragged away by po­lice: You see those pi­geons? All those pi­geons are my lovers!

–Ver­di Square

Cop to crazy dude feed­ing birds: You feed the birds, I’ll put you in the zoo!

–Union Square Park

Brat­ty eight-year-old girl: Aren’t there any live an­i­mals here?

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Are These Guys Drunk, or Stoned? Dis­cuss.

Col­lege boy #1, wear­ing “Democ­ra­cy is not a spec­ta­tor sport” shirt: I suck­led you from my own breast!
Col­lege boy #2: Shut up, dad! You sound just like mom!

–Am­trak Train