White mom: Does this train stop at Canal Street?
Black guy: Yeah, it goes there, it goes there. It’s not going there anytime soon. ‘Cause you know what the MTA stands for? Might Take Awhile.
–E train
White mom: Does this train stop at Canal Street?
Black guy: Yeah, it goes there, it goes there. It’s not going there anytime soon. ‘Cause you know what the MTA stands for? Might Take Awhile.
–E train
Man: I’m not going to have this conversation with you!
Woman: Why not?
Man: Because that’s just setting myself up for an open-ended ass kicking.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Blueshmoo
Gleeful little boy: We will, we will fuck you! We will, we will fuck you! [Bursts into giggles.]
–1 train
Overheard by: caitlinj
Guy: I mean, I wasn’t expecting being fucked, either!
–55th & 8th
Overheard by: Mariah
Guy on cell: You know what? Cleo fucked you, so fuck it — we’re fucked.
–Forest Hills
Tough guy with five-year-old: Hey, buddy! Don’t fucking push me! I’ve got my fuckin’ kid here!
–1 train
Overheard by: wba
Hispanic lady with stroller, on cell: Mothafuckin’ [Spanish]… Fuckin’ asshole [Spanish]… Son of a [Spanish]… Fuckin’ mothafuckin’ [Spanish]… Bunny rabbit [Spanish]… Fuck.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Mike N (doesn’t speak Spanish)
College Professor: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Female Student: I have one sister and a twin brother.
College Professor: Are you identical?
–American Musical & Dramatic Academy, UWS
Suit on cell: Most people want their pets painted.
–Prince & Broadway
Drunk guy yelling at busker while being dragged away by police: You see those pigeons? All those pigeons are my lovers!
–Verdi Square
Cop to crazy dude feeding birds: You feed the birds, I’ll put you in the zoo!
–Union Square Park
Bratty eight-year-old girl: Aren’t there any live animals here?
–Museum of Natural History
Girl #1: You guys just don’t know the meaning of subtlety!
Girl #2: What’s “subtlety”?
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Hipster dude: Do you guys carry any men’s shoes?
Salesgirl: Yes, they’re on the wall behind you.
Hipster dude: Do you have any straight guy shoes?
–Barney’s, Madison Avenue
Asian kid: Why did you decide to start driving now?
Middle-aged thug: I drive trucks. Now it’s just time to tell the government.
–DMV, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
College boy #1, wearing “Democracy is not a spectator sport” shirt: I suckled you from my own breast!
College boy #2: Shut up, dad! You sound just like mom!
–Amtrak Train
College student #1: Yeah, it was in Brooklyn. I had to take, like, the L. I’ve never even heard of that!
College student #2: The L? Wow!
–NYU
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist