Archive for 2020

It Takes a Vil­lage to Braise a Child

Hip­ster girl: So, I was think­ing, would­n’t it be great if you could just eat your­self? You would nev­er gain any weight. Ac­tu­al­ly, you would lose weight like crazy be­cause it would be the best of both worlds: you would­n’t be con­sum­ing any calo­ries, and your me­tab­o­lism would­n’t slow down like it does when you just don’t eat.
Guy: Um, are you se­ri­ous?
Hip­ster girl: Yeah, I mean, it would be awe­some! Think about it: I mean, how great would it be if I could just start gnaw­ing the fat straight off my leg right now? Like, “Mmm, leg.” You know? And it would be, like, to­tal­ly calo­rie-free!
Guy: Um, not re­al­ly? That’s kind of gross and can­ni­bal­is­tic.
Hip­ster girl: What­ev­er. One day I’m gonna pub­lish a book on this shit and have, like, a cult fol­low­ing, and then you’ll be sor­ry you did­n’t think it was a good idea.

–N train