Archive for 2020

Some­one Get Him a Man­pon, STAT!

Woman, 40s: …so I was like, no man can get away with that! I won’t let him get away with that! So I de­cid­ed to leave him. I took my clothes, my jew­el­ry, and my mon­ey, I did­n’t need no more than that…are you lis­ten­ing to me? So I packed my bags, took my jew­el­ry, his jew­el­ry, my mon­ey, his mon­ey, and left $5 on the dresser–leave him broke, right? And then be­fore I left, he was sleep­ing? And you know, the mus­cle still works even when he’s sleep­ing (there’s kids around but y’all know what mus­cle I’m talk­ing about). So I did what I had to do, right, and then I took the su­per­glue and stuck it right to his stom­ach. I glued that shit down. I rubbed it all over his hair down there, too. Got him good. Neigh­bors told me he had to go to the hos­pi­tal, get that shit sur­gi­cal­ly re­moved.

–4 train

Over­heard by: An­na

Griz­zlies: ‘No, Re­al­ly, We’re Good, Could­n’t Eat An­oth­er Bite, Thanks!’

Old­er woman: When I die, I’m go­ing to be fed to the griz­zlies.
Younger woman: What?
Old­er woman: I want my hands and feet cre­mat­ed and put in­to St John’s Cathe­dral, and the rest of me I want made in­to steaks and fed to an en­dan­gered species. It’s not enough any­more to just give them mon­ey. You have to give them part of your­self.

–South End Ave

Over­heard by: lino & wy­ja

I’m Glad We Had This Lit­tle Talk

12-year-old girl #1: Do you even like boys?
12-year-old girl #2: Yeah, I do!
12-year-old girl #1: Sure… You like them boys who be wearin’ all light col­ors, walkin’ around like, ‘How you doooin’? I’­ma braid your hair!‘
12-year-old girl #2: What? No. I like boys, I don’t like tit­ties.
12-year-old girl #1, af­ter a pause: Some boys be havin’ tit­ties, though.
12-year-old girl #2: Word.

–Gra­ham & Met­ro­pol­i­tan, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: amused in the bus stop