Archive for 2020

Your Friend — She Is Cock­block­ing, Yes?

Awk­ward French Casano­va: Ex­cuse me?
Chick in huge sun­glass­es: What?
Awk­ward French Casano­va: Your neck­lace — it is a bat?
Chick in huge sun­glass­es: Yeah.
Awk­ward French Casano­va: You like bats?
Chick in huge sun­glass­es: Yeah.
Awk­ward French Casano­va: And your sun­glass­es — are they heavy?
Chick in huge sun­glass­es: Nope.
Awk­ward French Casano­va: Ah. And I see you–
Chick­’s friend, in­ter­rupt­ing: –Will you shut the fuck up?!

–1 train

Over­heard by: free­dom fries?

And Give Michael a Break–He’s On­ly Sev­en

Red haired woman: Damn it, Michael for­got to pack my lunch again. I am so pissed at him! Ar­rrrgh!
Big boobed woman: Shhh…shhh… Just get lunch at the store.
Red haired woman: Do they got ribs at the store? Do they got ribs at the store, Por­tia?
Big boobed woman: You could ask. They have pork.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

Socrates Shows Up An­oth­er So-Called ‘Wise Man’

Crazy guy: Let me know about a Cae­sar sal­ad.
Em­ploy­ee: We don’t sell Cae­sar sal­ads, sir.
Crazy guy: I did­n’t say I want­ed a Cae­sar sal­ad, I said, ‘Let me know about a Cae­sar sal­ad.’ [Pause] What’s in a Cae­sar sal­ad?! What do ya’ll know about it?!
Em­ploy­ee: I don’t know.
Crazy guy: That’s what I thought! Ya’ll don’t know about Cae­sar sal­ads!

–Sub­way, 41st St, be­tween 6th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: i know whats in a ce­sar sal­ad but im not tellin

News­Flash: Art Stu­dent Slut­ty. Film at 11

Guy: Stop star­ing at me.
Girl: I’m not star­ing at you. What, I’m not al­lowed to look at you now?
Guy: Not like that. You have bed­room eyes.
Girl: Bed­room eyes? I don’t have bed­room eyes. That’s the way I nor­mal­ly look, you know that.
Guy: Yeah, be­cause you’re every­one’s girl.
Girl: Shut up, no I’m not! What­ev­er, at least I get laid.

–El­e­va­tor, Pratt In­sti­tute

Over­heard by: that girl