Archive for 2020

Wednesday One-liners: The Next Generation

Thug: I need a girl who’s responsible and don’t got no kids.

–40th & 5th

Dude: Are we talking about the truth now? The truth is that you’re scared that she’s going to take your son away from you!

–27th Street office

Black guy on cell: Yeah, it was actually all right. We were both circumcised.

–Union Square greenmarket

Overheard by: Lisa Ramaci

Today, Wednesday One-Liner Is a Woman.

Girl on cell: It just… It's not like it sucks. (pause) It just sucks, ya know? I mean, I had my period this morning, and I just wanna get high.

–Borough of Manhattan Community College

Overheard by: 447ght

Customer, buying two packs of Kotex: Next time you order these, you should get the kind with deodorant. It really makes a difference!

–112th St & St. Nicholas

Guy on cell: Dude! Guys don't PMS!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: allie

Girl #1: I once made a Nativity from feminine products. (awkward silence) They weren't used, though…

–Barnard

Overheard by: Brooklyn

Helpfulness: A NYC Short Story

Loud, garbled announcement about disrupted rush hour service in background.

Uptight lady suit, smiling anxiously: What? What did she say?
Hipster: She said, ‘Grble chzmglpt blgshqt skzdbkt…’ [Continues, accurately mimicking entire garbled announcement.]Uptight lady suit, disturbed: Oh.

–IRT Station, 110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Christopher Stone

People with Diarrhea, Sure

Girl #1: It’s weird you’re never horny.
Girl #2: I just feel like sex is like bowling. I mean, I enjoy bowling but I’m never like, “God, I haven’t bowled in so long” or “It’s Friday night. I have got to go bowling.” You know?
Girl #1: Maybe you haven’t found the right bowling partner.
Girl #2: Bowling is something that really isn’t improved by doing it with someone else. I’ve enjoyed bowling but I could go the rest of my life without doing it again. I mean, I know I’ll have sex again, but I could give a rat’s ass. Have you ever heard anyone say “I need to bowl real bad“?

–L train

Overheard by: Ray

God, Are You High-Maintenance, or What?

Drunk chick #1, as train approaches: Oh, no, here it comes! Quick, put on your sober face! [Drunk chick #2 stands up straight, takes a deep breath, and vomits all over the platform.] It’s okay, you look fine. Just don’t fall asleep on the train again.

–1 train