Archive for 2020

Wednes­day One-lin­ers: The Next Gen­er­a­tion

Thug: I need a girl who’s re­spon­si­ble and don’t got no kids.

–40th & 5th

Dude: Are we talk­ing about the truth now? The truth is that you’re scared that she’s go­ing to take your son away from you!

–27th Street of­fice

Black guy on cell: Yeah, it was ac­tu­al­ly all right. We were both cir­cum­cised.

–Union Square green­mar­ket

Over­heard by: Lisa Ra­maci

To­day, Wednes­day One-Lin­er Is a Woman.

Girl on cell: It just… It’s not like it sucks. (pause) It just sucks, ya know? I mean, I had my pe­ri­od this morn­ing, and I just wan­na get high.

–Bor­ough of Man­hat­tan Com­mu­ni­ty Col­lege

Over­heard by: 447ght

Cus­tomer, buy­ing two packs of Ko­tex: Next time you or­der these, you should get the kind with de­odor­ant. It re­al­ly makes a dif­fer­ence!

–112th St & St. Nicholas

Guy on cell: Dude! Guys don’t PMS!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: al­lie

Girl #1: I once made a Na­tiv­i­ty from fem­i­nine prod­ucts. (awk­ward si­lence) They weren’t used, though…

–Barnard

Over­heard by: Brook­lyn

Help­ful­ness: A NYC Short Sto­ry

Loud, gar­bled an­nounce­ment about dis­rupt­ed rush hour ser­vice in back­ground.

Up­tight la­dy suit, smil­ing anx­ious­ly: What? What did she say?
Hip­ster: She said, ‘Gr­ble chzmglpt blgshqt skzd­bkt…’ [Con­tin­ues, ac­cu­rate­ly mim­ic­k­ing en­tire gar­bled announcement.]Uptight la­dy suit, dis­turbed: Oh.

–IRT Sta­tion, 110th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Christo­pher Stone

Peo­ple with Di­ar­rhea, Sure

Girl #1: It’s weird you’re nev­er horny.
Girl #2: I just feel like sex is like bowl­ing. I mean, I en­joy bowl­ing but I’m nev­er like, “God, I haven’t bowled in so long” or “It’s Fri­day night. I have got to go bowl­ing.” You know?
Girl #1: Maybe you haven’t found the right bowl­ing part­ner.
Girl #2: Bowl­ing is some­thing that re­al­ly is­n’t im­proved by do­ing it with some­one else. I’ve en­joyed bowl­ing but I could go the rest of my life with­out do­ing it again. I mean, I know I’ll have sex again, but I could give a rat’s ass. Have you ever heard any­one say “I need to bowl re­al bad”?

–L train

Over­heard by: Ray

God, Are You High-Main­te­nance, or What?

Drunk chick #1, as train ap­proach­es: Oh, no, here it comes! Quick, put on your sober face! [Drunk chick #2 stands up straight, takes a deep breath, and vom­its all over the plat­form.] It’s okay, you look fine. Just don’t fall asleep on the train again.

–1 train