Archive for 2020

Mom Al­so Be­lieves The 9/11 Com­mis­sion Re­port

Daugh­ter: I’m itchy.
An­noy­ing moth­er: Don’t you dare take off your shoes! I mean it.
Daugh­ter: But I’m itchy!
An­noy­ing moth­er: I al­ready told you–do not take off your shoes!
Daugh­ter: I’m itchy!
An­noy­ing moth­er: Don’t!
Daugh­ter: But I’m itchy!
An­noy­ing moth­er: Do you know why your feet are itchy? Be­cause you don’t eat your veg­eta­bles!

–Q64 Bus

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca

…Just Not So­cial­ly.

Guy at par­ty: So I just moved to Long Is­land City, I’m not sure how I feel about not be­ing in Man­hat­tan.
Girl: While at least you’re close to the Hamp­tons!

–19th St & 11th Ave

Not Sure You Avoid That with the “I Heart NY” Shirt, Though

Chick: Would it have been okay if I’d worn my shirt with a ze­bra on it to­day, or would that be like wear­ing a band shirt to a con­cert?
Dude: Yeah, that’s ex­act­ly how it would be. Like, it’s okay if you wear the open­ing band’s shirt, but not the head­lin­er. If you wore your ze­bra shirt, we would’ve had to skip the ze­bras.
Chick: You’re right, I would have looked sooo groupie.

–Bronx Zoo

Over­heard by: Sromeo

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers? Kinky!

300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he’s in­to that kinky down­town shit.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: bas­tar­do

Loud up­state girl: I think…doin’ any kin­da re­search in­ta fur­ries? You’re in trou­ble.

–Hud­son & Hous­ton

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Hoochie: I mean, you gonna hand­cuff me, then hand­cuff me. But, you know, when I got­ta go do my shit, I got­ta go.

–1st St & 1st Ave

Over­heard by: ste­phie

Curly-haired girl on cell: I’ve to­tal­ly got a cold too! But I’ve al­so got bondage tape. And a cell phone ac­ti­vat­ed vi­bra­tor.

–Ouidad sa­lon

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Suit to an­oth­er, while hav­ing lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from be­hind.

–Cen­tral Park

Guy at ta­ble: You know, she’s a qual­i­ty girl, even when I was in hand­cuffs, I could tell that she was a qual­i­ty girl.

–Carnegie Deli

Over­heard by: Spazz

We Can Spot Fake Wednes­day One-Lin­ers a Mile Away

Ex­as­per­at­ed woman on phone: It’s a phone in­ter­view! What does it mat­ter what type of boobs I have?

–Of­fice Build­ing, 32nd & 7th

Over­heard by: erkala

Girl, af­ter guy ac­ci­den­tal­ly hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeez­ing them, not hit­ting them!

–Toys R’ Us, Times Square

Over­heard by: Lotte

Up­per West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It com­plete­ly ru­ins that skirt for me.

–Canal Street

Hobo: But I don’t want to love my breasts!

–Ave B

Man on cell: So you’re com­ing to New York? That’s good. I called your moth­er, she said you’re stay­ing with some girl with big tits tonight.

–West 4th Street

Guy to an­oth­er, while at lunch: I don’t care if you think I live too fast and I’ll be dead at 45. At least I’ll die with a tit­tie in my mouth!

–Bryant Park

Over­heard by: sal b