Archive for 2020

You Show Great Re­straint for a New York­er

Tourist: Why does every­one on this train look so sad? Every­body looks like they’re hav­ing the worst day. [To girl sit­ting next to him] Are you hav­ing a bad day?
Girl: No.
Tourist: Prob­a­bly be­cause it’s so cold here. Is it al­ways so cold here?
Girl: No. It’s re­al­ly cold for March.
Tourist: It’s too cold to go swim­ming, is­n’t it?
Girl: Yes.
Tourist: Oh, well. We’re head­ed up­town. What do you think my chances of see­ing Woody Allen are?
Girl: Very slim.

–Man­hat­tan-bound 4 train

That Re­minds Me; Fla­vor of Love is On

Teen girl #1: I like him cause he’s tough, but he ain’t thug.
Teen girl #2: Oh, he’s thug. He got that tat­too, he wears his pants all bag­gy and he got that great big coat.
Teen girl #1: Yeah, he got that tat­too, but them oth­er things…he just short.

–A train

Over­heard by: iiams

In the 70s They Called That a ‘Nose Job’.

JAP: I did the whole Manhattan/Long Island/Westchester Jew thing this year.
Guy: How’d that work out?
JAP: I think I’m go­ing to cut that phase in my life.

–NYU

Over­heard by: A. Pin­cus

Head­line by: Still got my orig­i­nal nose.

Run­ners-Up:
· “By Which I Mean the In­side Of My Thigh” — Tadzio
· “I Re­al­ized I Can Keep the Sense Of En­ti­tle­ment With­out All That Ex­tra Work.” — stooby­doo
· “I Think Hitler Tried That Al­ready.…” — Sarah Booz
· “I’ll Tell the Guy Who’s Ghost-Writ­ing My Au­to­bi­og­ra­phy Lat­er To­day” — Louis
· “JAP Code for I Was Slut­ty and Need an Abor­tion” — Ca­su­al Ob­serv­er
· “Sort Of a “Lifestyle Bris”” — Chris

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Scenes from the Strike

Suit: Where are you go­ing?
Guy: Why does it mat­ter to you? I nev­er got in some­one else’s cab be­fore.
Suit: How about an area: Mid­town, Down­town, West Side?
Guy: Maybe if you got in­to a cab on a down­town av­enue and not 2nd Av­enue, you would have your own cab.

–Cab, 75th & 2nd

Over­heard by: The front seat

… So I Maced Him.

Col­lege girl: When­ev­er I tell any­one that I was there when you dis­lo­cat­ed your shoul­der they ask if it’s my fault ’cause we were hav­ing sex.
20-ish guy: Ha­ha­ha! Yeah, me, too. I had one guy ask me, ‘Did it hap­pen while you were [pelvic thrusts] uh, uh, uh?‘
Col­lege girl, ex­cit­ed­ly: That’s ex­act­ly what my dad said!

–River­side Park

Over­heard by: Vicks­burg

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Need a Pam­prin

Woman: When it’s a tam­pon, you can stick it any­where.

–59th St

Over­heard by: Rich

Woman on cell: …and then this big glop of bloody goop came out, and so I reached in­to the toi­let and squeezed it to make sure it was­n’t a ba­by…

–13th & Broad­way

20-Some­thing chick: My shit bled like it’s nev­er bled be­fore.

–El­e­va­tor, 57th & 6th

Over­heard by: Matt

Mul­let­ed queer: Imag­ine if Vir­ginia Slims de­signed a tam­pon!–Bush­wick, Brook­lynOver­heard by: ‘nuther black char­lie chap­lin

Cre­ative ge­nius: Just imag­ine if I had a tam­pon gun!

–St. Mark’s

Woman on cell: Well, you can’t just go hand­ing out san­i­tary nap­kins to every­one!

–15th & Union Square East

Loud girl on cell: Yeah, so he was go­ing for it, and I was like, “No, ba­by, I can’t tonight,” and he was like, “Why?” and I was like, “I got it to­day,” and he was like, “Aww, then noth­ing for a whole week!”

–CVS, 58th & 9th

Over­heard by: Kate Melvin