Meathead #1: I hate Union Square. There is too many of those…what do you call ’em, beatniks?
Meathead #2: You mean yuppies?
Meathead #1: Yeah, that’s it.
–53rd & Broadway
Archive for 2020
I Get More Action With Them
Schoolgirl: I’m the only one at school that wears wild stockings.
–M79 Bus
Overheard by: Fred Weiner
Non-Recyclable Wednesday One-Liners
Conductor: Please throw away your newspapers and garbage in the trash cans on station platforms and know that the trash cans can only hold two human bodies at a time.
–LIRR
New York Post guy: New York Post! Free New York Post! (hands huge stack of papers to passerby) Thanks, brother. Just throw the rest in the trash can down the block.
–40th & 6th
Carriage driver to horse: You see that chestnut? That’s called “Eurotrash.”
–Central Park South
Overheard by: Andy
Giant old man to screaming and jumping children: You look like Garbage Pail Kids. Stop it.
–Madison & Nostrand, Brooklyn
Overheard by: g
Conductor: Please place anyone who has become garbage en route in the appropriate receptacle.
–R Train
Overheard by: Jess
Woman walking down the street with a small bag of garbage: Fuck it. (drops bag of garbage nonchalantly, keeps walking)
–W 19th
Having Strangers Discipline Your Kids Is Mmm Mmm Good
Screaming child: I want a new hat!
Latino nanny: Calm down before I turn you into soup!
–Madison Ave & 81st St
Uggs Are So Over
Old lady leaving The Tony Danza Show #1: Grazie!
Old lady leaving The Tony Danza Show #2: Why didn’t you wear the right shoes?
Old lady leaving The Tony Danza Show #1: No, no, these are fine.
Old lady leaving The Tony Danza Show #2: Aaaah, blow me. They’re terrible.
–66th between Columbus & Central Park West
Overheard by: MojoSaves
Wednesday One-Liners?
Girl: Is it spring that makes the cherry blossoms bloom, or the cherry blossoms that make spring bloom?
–Hunter College cafeteria
Overheard by: Traczie
Tourist chick looking at subway map: Is the Irish pub on here?
–6 train, Grand Central
Overheard by: Dee Phunk
Woman on cell, looking at directions: Numbers go up, right?
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: V
Tourist girl: Manhattan is an island?! Is it a man-made island?
–N train
Overheard by: Sirius
Chick to friend: What religion is Buddha the king of?
–Central Park
Blonde: Why haven’t they just fixed the economy already?
–L train
Overheard by: widdershawns
Knowing is Half the Battle
Teen boy #1: Man, I tell you, da reason France don’t want us in Iraq is dat dey know the second we done in Baddad we is headed right over the border and straight into Paris.
Teen boy #2: Nigga, you’se is ignorant. Iraq ain’t next to no France.
Teen boy #1: Nah man, I ain’t sayin it is right up on France, but, you know, it goes Iraq, Germany, some otha country, then France, so it is close.
Teen boy #2: Ain’t you eva seen no map? I’ma gonna show you when we get to school. That shit is in Africa, between Lidia and Egypt.
–F train
Overheard by: Ed Salcedo
Guy: I asked you if you knew where he lived; you pointed to Iraq!
Girl: Well, I don’t know. How was I supposed to know?
Guy: Iraq is not the same as Israel.
–Duane Reade, 28th & Park
Overheard by: Jack B
Happy Birthday, Mithras!
Red State Girl: Is that a hammer in your bag?
Dealer: Yeah. It’s a metaphor. ‘Cause Jesus was a carpenter, see. And I walk with Jesus.
Red State Girl: Oh.
–29th Street & 7th Ave.
Overheard by: M. Martin
Lois Commutes between Adoration and Homicidal Rage
Black woman, to eight-year-old white girl: I love the white people. You are so cute. I would babysit you. Come here.
White woman: Yes, give the little white girl a hug.
Black woman, to girl: If anyone fucks with you, I’m gonna be fucking with them.
–47th & 8th
Overheard by: alxie
We So Had That Idea First
Girl on computer #10: Damn, this dumb bitch wants to start her own prostituting company.
Girl on computer #9: What a dumb bitch.
–Library, Baruch College
Overheard by: jackieisawuesome
