Archive for 2020

Think I Could Pass Off Bu­lim­ia As Re­peat­ed Ex­or­cisms?

Black girl #1: You look great. You are like wast­ing away from your fast.
Black girl #2: Thanks! I asked my broth­er the oth­er day if I con­tin­ued fast­ing af­ter Lent ends, would that be con­sid­ered a di­et or just anorex­ia?
Black girl #3: Oh my god! I al­ways want to do that.
Black girl #2: He said anorex­ia, but I’m still think­ing about it.

–Town Hall, 43rd St

Over­heard by: je­sus would be so proud

A Gun Can Get You Any Woman

Man: So I’m just stand­ing there, try­ing to get the guns from his hands–
Woman #1: Are they reg­is­tered?
Man: Not in New York.
Woman #1: Ooh, you need to be care­ful. He could get ar­rest­ed again!
Man: I know, right? So I have one gun in my hand, and he has the oth­er one, and he’s ready to give it to me when Su­san starts freak­ing out.
Woman #2: Ooh…Did you know that they had a three­some with Trista?
Man: What? What the fuck? Why does he get all the three­somes?

–Carmine’s, 91st & broad­way

Over­heard by: The Wait­ress

Girl #1 for Sen­a­tor!

Girl #1: So he kept ask­ing me to have sex last night.
Girl #2: Did you?
Girl #1: No, I told him, “Look, I will not have sex with you. If you want a blowjob I will do that, but I will not have sex with you.”…I mean what is a blowjob? Noth­ing at all.

–Bleeck­er & Mac­dou­gal

Then It Changed to Crocs, and We All Cried.

Girl #1: When An­nie is in a re­la­tion­ship, she’s re­al­ly se­ri­ous. But when she was sin­gle she went through what we like to call the “sit on your face” phase.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: She’d go up to a guy in the bar we were in and say, “man, you look so good tonight. I might just sit on your face lat­er.”
(girl #2 laughs)
Girl #1: Yeah… “sit on your face” was the new black for a while.

–Pig ‘n’ Whis­tle Bar

Over­heard by: Ellen