Archive for 2020

People Who Shouldn’t Go to Japan

Average Joe: Short people are insufferable!
Shorter friend: Tell me about it!

–Bleecker St & Carmine St

Overheard by: Lezbotron

Headline by: Jane

· “…And They Have Limited Vocabularies and Will Agree With Anything” — Bob
· “I Thought I Just Did.” — Katie
· “That Scene From “The Wizard Of Oz” Was Like Hell on Earth!” — space coyote
· “To Be Fair, He Did Reply in That High-Pitched Cackle” — Kenneth
· “Tom Cruise Is Refreshingly Self-Aware” — Meg

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports

20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he’s not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he’s not gay.

–L Train

Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.


Girl to guy friends: I mean, he’s okay he had the threesome – the guy was his best friend!

–8th St & 5th Ave

Angry woman on phone: While you’re out having orgies I am doing the real work!

–Victorian Flatbush

Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?


Why Secretaries Exist

Guy #1, after telling something to friend: You should write that down.
Guy #2: On my arm?!
Guy #1: No, not on your arm, in a note.
Guy #2: I’m not gonna remember to check my note!
Guy #1: Then write on your arm, “check your note”!

–Q60 Bus

All Hail Wednesday One-Liners.

Guy on cell: 150 cabs wouldn’t start this morning. They all had bananas stuck in the back of ’em!

–Cooper Square

Overheard by: Kay

Tourist woman trying to hail a cab: Excuse me. I was here first, and have been trying to get a cab for at least ten minutes. Please go somewhere else. It’s only polite.

–Broadway & Houston

Overheard by: office peon

Lady on phone: So there we were in the cab when she just vomited all over the place. I mean it was all over the door, all over the seat, all over everything. So the cabbie, he slams on the brakes and he gets right out. And I’m thinking okay, he’s gonna put us out. I don’t know where in the hell we are and its four in the morning… And Krystal, she just says to him, after vomiting all over the back of his cab, “I told you to get us there fast!”

–Bolt Bus

Middle aged woman to cabbie who just bumped her with the car: You should not hit people.

–34th & 5th

Overheard by: Duh

When He Drinks, the Human Torch Behaves Badly

Drunk guy: Hi, my name’s Bobby Flamer.
Girl: Haha, there’s no way your last name is really Flamer.
Drunk guy: No, seriously, look at my ID.
Girl, looking at ID: This says your name is Eric Flamer.
Drunk guy: Yeah. I lied.

–Bar None, 3rd Ave between 12th & 13th

Overheard by: Zak Santucci