Archive for 2020

Peo­ple Who Should­n’t Go to Japan

Av­er­age Joe: Short peo­ple are in­suf­fer­able!
Short­er friend: Tell me about it!

–Bleeck­er St & Carmine St

Over­heard by: Lezbotron

Head­line by: Jane

Run­ners-Up:
· “…And They Have Lim­it­ed Vo­cab­u­lar­ies and Will Agree With Any­thing” — Bob
· “I Thought I Just Did.” — Katie
· “That Scene From “The Wiz­ard Of Oz” Was Like Hell on Earth!” — space coy­ote
· “To Be Fair, He Did Re­ply in That High-Pitched Cack­le” — Ken­neth
· “Tom Cruise Is Re­fresh­ing­ly Self-Aware” — Meg

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers En­joy Team Sports

20-some­thing guy on Black­Ber­ry: No, he’s not gay. I was in a five­some with him, but he’s not gay.

–L Train

Girl to gay friend af­ter walk­ing in­to gay bar: Dude, ei­ther find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.

–NYC

Girl to guy friends: I mean, he’s okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!

–8th St & 5th Ave

An­gry woman on phone: While you’re out hav­ing or­gies I am do­ing the re­al work!

–Vic­to­ri­an Flat­bush

Pre­ten­tious pro­fes­sor type in aca­d­e­m­ic tone: My ex had un­re­al­is­tic fan­tasies. She used to dream about be­ing fucked by God and Sa­tan and the same time. How could I live up to that?

–NYU

All Hail Wednes­day One-Lin­ers.

Guy on cell: 150 cabs would­n’t start this morn­ing. They all had ba­nanas stuck in the back of ’em!

–Coop­er Square

Over­heard by: Kay

Tourist woman try­ing to hail a cab: Ex­cuse me. I was here first, and have been try­ing to get a cab for at least ten min­utes. Please go some­where else. It’s on­ly po­lite.

–Broad­way & Hous­ton

Over­heard by: of­fice pe­on

La­dy on phone: So there we were in the cab when she just vom­it­ed all over the place. I mean it was all over the door, all over the seat, all over every­thing. So the cab­bie, he slams on the brakes and he gets right out. And I’m think­ing okay, he’s gonna put us out. I don’t know where in the hell we are and its four in the morn­ing… And Krys­tal, she just says to him, af­ter vom­it­ing all over the back of his cab, “I told you to get us there fast!”

–Bolt Bus

Mid­dle aged woman to cab­bie who just bumped her with the car: You should not hit peo­ple.

–34th & 5th

Over­heard by: Duh

When He Drinks, the Hu­man Torch Be­haves Bad­ly

Drunk guy: Hi, my name’s Bob­by Flamer.
Girl: Ha­ha, there’s no way your last name is re­al­ly Flamer.
Drunk guy: No, se­ri­ous­ly, look at my ID.
Girl, look­ing at ID: This says your name is Er­ic Flamer.
Drunk guy: Yeah. I lied.

–Bar None, 3rd Ave be­tween 12th & 13th

Over­heard by: Zak San­tuc­ci