Cashier, looking at driver’s license: Oh, you’re an organ donor?
Lady: Yes…
Cashier: Did it hurt?!
–Target
Archive for 2020
We Leave It to You, Dear Reader
Hipster girl: On the train into the city this morning, I sat on a baby and almost crushed it.
Metal guy: There is no internet acronym for how funny that is.
–Union Square
Overheard by: esther
Next Stop: Put in Your Place Street
Girl #1: I have an idea, why don’t we keep the doors open so even more people can pack in? Are we close enough yet?
Guy: Yeah. I could start crowd surfing.
Girl #1: It just sucks being squeezed in like this. Especially when you have to get off at the next stop–
Guy: Like you are going to do.
Girl #1: –and people won’t get out of the way. It’s like they don’t understand that you have to get off. This time I’m going to be like, “Bitches, get out of my way!”
Guy: Yeah.
Girl #1: I’m just trying to find one thing about this that doesn’t suck and I’ve got nothing.
Guy: Me either.
Girl #1: This is a nightmare…It’s so annoying to be forced to be so close to so many people in such a small space–
Girl #2: Yeah, it is really annoying, especially when you are forced to hear someone else’s conversation.
Guy: Whoa! What timing.
–L train
“Why Is This Bite Different from All Other Bites?”
Lady #1: Did you hear about those priests molesting those children?
Lady #2: That’s old news.
Lady #1: Nah, one was just convicted. But did you hear about the rabbis and circumcisions?
Lady #2: What? No. What happened?
Lady #1: Well, a rabbi got in trouble for circumcising some kids… with his mouth!
Lady #2: Ew, disgusting! He deserves to get in trouble.
–14A crosstown bus
Overheard by: gcat
Jon Heder is Such a Princess
Waiter: How would you like your eggs?
Guy: Can I get two eggs scrambled, one sunny side up?
Waiter: Um…I…Um…I don’t…
Guy: Whatever. Give me three scrambled eggs. God.
–Ben Ash Delicatessen, 7th Avenue
You Should See Where She Keeps Her Cell Phone
Drunk girl #1: Yo, I have coke in my boob.
Drunk girl #2: Yeah, right, you so don’t. [Drunk girl #1 shows boob] Holy shit, you do!
–Brooklyn-bound 2 train
Overheard by: horny
In Which Case, All Really Is Fair
Woman #1: She was great. I bought both her CDs.
Woman #2, showing off new shirt: I bought her t‑shirt. Isn’t it cute?
Woman #3: Yes. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but some people at the concert told me she is listed at a website for gay songwriters.
Woman #2, screeching: What?! I can’t be wearing no fucking lesbian t‑shirt!
Woman #4: Well, unless it helps you get a man.
Woman #2: Well… That’s true.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Bolloxians
But I’d Trade It All for a Bigger Ding-a-Ling
Indian guy #1: What would you rather have: the bling-bling or the ching-ching?
Indian guy #2: Well, I would have the ching-ching because you cannot have the bling-bling without the ching-ching.
–R train
Overheard by: Richard
You Make a Persuasive Case
Chick to friends: Where should we go for my birthday drinks?
Drunk chick, passing by: I want to go to your birthday drinks!
Chick: Um, I don’t know you.
Drunk chick: But you wanna know me! (proceeds to vomit)
–42nd St & 10th Ave
At Least I Got a Good Wanding
Man: Wow, you sure travel light.
Lady suit carrying only a laptop case and purse: Yeah, that’s what happens when they fucking lose your luggage.
–Taxi line, JFK
