Woman: Well, I hope they have tables…
Man: I hope they have shots.
–3rd & 17th
Archive for 2020
And Willing to Share Her Meth
Guy: So, Rob slept with that trailer trash chick last night.
Girl: Holy shit! Which one?
Guy: The meth-head-looking one. You don’t think she looks like total trailer trash?
Girl: Oh my god, she had trailer trash oozing out of her fucking pores!
Guy: So why were you talking to her half the night?
Girl: Whatever. She was really nice.
–Terrace table, Blue Water Grill, Union Square
Overheard by: ebizzle
By Shooting Him
Guy to girlfriend: You didn’t even invite me in! You didn’t treat me as good as you’d treat any other customer! (later) No, the next time some dude tries to give you his number, you take it, you understand? That way, I can hunt him down and tell him you aren’t interested, and he’s inappropriate!
–1 Uptown/Times Square
Overheard by: ggirl
Maybe We Should Start Numbering the Ceilings Instead
Chick: Why is level two on the third floor? Why isn’t there a ‘Floor Two’?
Guy: I dunno, hon.
Chick: Isn’t that weird, though?
Guy, as elevator goes up halfway: I think this is the second floor. It’s a secret level.
–AirTrain elevator, JFK
Overheard by: Jess McGins
She’s a Vegan — Pass the Cheesecake
Girl #1: So I was thinking about milk the other day. Milk comes from cows. And what do cows eat?
Girl #2: Other cows?
Girl #1: No, dumbass! They eat grass! So it stands to reason, when you drink milk, you’re actually drinking liquified grass.
Girl #2: Ugh, gross! I’m so not drinking milk anymore.
Girl #1: Totally, that’s why I drink soy.
–Veniero’s, 11th St & 1st Ave
It Depends on Whether She Swallows
Girl #1: Aw, he sent me a message that says “Sweet dreams, gorgeous.”
Girl #2: Hmm. Isn’t that what they say to Mafioso girlfriends before they slit their throats and throw them in the East River?
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: djlindee
Yuppie #1: …and it’s not just because she’s a chick.
Yuppie #2: Yeah, it’d be the same if she were a dude.
Yuppie #1: Totally! And it’s not because I really like to work, because I don’t.
Yuppie #2: Totally!
–Dock’s Oyster Bar, 40th & 3rd
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Where’s the Climax to This Story?
Guy #1: Last summer I was hangin’ out in Richmond for a weekend and me and some other people were havin’ a party and someone gave me and this girl a pill and told us it was painkillers.
Guy #2: Oh yeah? Sounds like…fun.
Guy #1: Well the next day, after we had had sex in a pool in front of like 30 people for about 10 hours, the girl who told us it was painkillers told us it was actually Cialis.
–CVS, 23rd & 1st
Overheard by: katie facada
Wednesday One-liners Spell It “Aminals”
Guy: …and he had, like, shark teeth! Three fucking rows of them! I swear.
–Fulton & Gold
How Weird Is This Gonna Get?
Tourist: Are you Teddy Roosevelt?
Costumed interpretor: No…
Tourist: Can you be Teddy Roosevelt for the next five minutes?
–New York Historical Society, 77th & CPW
Overheard by: Miranda Morrison
In LA, This Passes for a Threat
Thug #1: …and the next thing you know, you’ll be doing Miss Congeniality 3.
Thug #2: Word.
–39th & 8th
