Guy: So, Rob slept with that trailer trash chick last night.
Girl: Holy shit! Which one?
Guy: The meth-head-looking one. You don’t think she looks like total trailer trash?
Girl: Oh my god, she had trailer trash oozing out of her fucking pores!
Guy: So why were you talking to her half the night?
Girl: Whatever. She was really nice.
–Terrace table, Blue Water Grill, Union Square
Overheard by: ebizzle
Guy to girlfriend: You didn’t even invite me in! You didn’t treat me as good as you’d treat any other customer! (later) No, the next time some dude tries to give you his number, you take it, you understand? That way, I can hunt him down and tell him you aren’t interested, and he’s inappropriate!
–1 Uptown/Times Square
Overheard by: ggirl
Chick: Why is level two on the third floor? Why isn’t there a ‘Floor Two’?
Guy: I dunno, hon.
Chick: Isn’t that weird, though?
Guy, as elevator goes up halfway: I think this is the second floor. It’s a secret level.
–AirTrain elevator, JFK
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Girl #1: Aw, he sent me a message that says “Sweet dreams, gorgeous.”
Girl #2: Hmm. Isn’t that what they say to Mafioso girlfriends before they slit their throats and throw them in the East River?
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: djlindee
Yuppie #1: …and it’s not just because she’s a chick.
Yuppie #2: Yeah, it’d be the same if she were a dude.
Yuppie #1: Totally! And it’s not because I really like to work, because I don’t.
Yuppie #2: Totally!
–Dock’s Oyster Bar, 40th & 3rd
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Guy #1: Last summer I was hangin’ out in Richmond for a weekend and me and some other people were havin’ a party and someone gave me and this girl a pill and told us it was painkillers.
Guy #2: Oh yeah? Sounds like…fun.
Guy #1: Well the next day, after we had had sex in a pool in front of like 30 people for about 10 hours, the girl who told us it was painkillers told us it was actually Cialis.
–CVS, 23rd & 1st
Overheard by: katie facada
Guy: …and he had, like, shark teeth! Three fucking rows of them! I swear.
–Fulton & Gold
Tourist: Are you Teddy Roosevelt?
Costumed interpretor: No…
Tourist: Can you be Teddy Roosevelt for the next five minutes?
–New York Historical Society, 77th & CPW
Overheard by: Miranda Morrison
Thug #1: …and the next thing you know, you’ll be doing Miss Congeniality 3.
Thug #2: Word.
–39th & 8th
Little girl: Hey mom, what’s a cloister?
Little boy: It’s a Pokemon, duh!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Melissa
Hipster: So I was walking down the street, and I saw Jesus, and then I was like, ‘Hey, how’s it going, Jesus?’
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kanad
Subway preacher: The ocean is full of water. Jesus changed water into wine. It’s all good. Michael Jackson called it ‘Jesus Juice.’
–Rockefeller Plaza subway
Overheard by: G‑Lime
Queer: I replaced my imaging of Jesus as a transvestite serial killer to an image of Jesus as a militaristic terrorist…
–1 train
Queer to another: I think Jesus loves Halloween.
–23rd St, between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: adam
20-ish guy: Let me get this straight — it’s spelled like ‘Jesus,’ but it’s pronounced ‘Hey-Seuss’? That’s just weird.
–49th & 8th
Overheard by: JoBell
Bible thumper: Ladies, you may see a handsome man and think to yourself, ‘I want him to be my sugar daddy.’ Oh, yes! And he becomes your sugar daddy, and he takes you to Macy’s and he buys you a crock pot. Oh, yes! But then later he beats you with that crock pot. Oh, yes! Then you realize that it is not he who is your sugar daddy, it is really Jesus Christ who is your sugar daddy! Oh, yes!
–4 train
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist