Nine-year-old boy to friends: Don’t be talk­ing smack about Je­sus. He was one of our great­est pres­i­dents!

–Q train

Over­heard by: J‑Lo

Hip chick in black whose dog poops in street: No! No! Je­sus fuck­ing Christ! [Looks up and no­tices she’s in front of large church.] Oops.

–71st & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: She did­n’t even pick it up

High school boy: He’s like a fat home­less Je­sus who stole a rich man’s coat.

–Bronx

Soc­cer mom to an­oth­er: You know, Fri­day nights are al­ways a great time for Je­sus.

–82nd and Colum­bus

Over­heard by: Just bought a bot­tle of Jack to share with Je­sus

Stu­dent on phone: All I have to say about be­ing friends with Je­sus is that un­lim­it­ed fish sand­wich­es and wine does­n’t sound like a bad deal.

–NYU

Crazy guy: Praise Je­sus! But stay out­ta my way — I will stab you.

–W 17th St

Over­heard by: dawl­lyl­la­ma

Girl to friend: I mean, come on — who re­al­ly cares about Je­sus?

–El­e­va­tor, NYU Sil­ver Cen­ter