Archive for 2020

Ap­par­ent­ly My Years of In­ten­sive In­struc­tion Have Paid Off

La­dy #1: So, ap­par­ent­ly my son was over at Jessie’s house, and they were ‘touch­ing.’
La­dy #2, rem­i­nisc­ing: Oh, the pet­ting…
La­dy #1: I know, what a tramp! So any­way, Jessie’s mom was con­cerned about it, but I told my son, ‘Damn, you go boy!’

–Wall St

Over­heard by: al­so likes the pet­ting

Is It Too Late to Apol­o­gize for Moon­ing You?

Black girl #1: Damn, girl! You’re hairy! I dun­no if it’s cause I’m light-skinned, you’re hairy!
Black girl #2: Thanks. Thanks… (walks away)
Black girl #1: You’re like a were­wolf!

–H&M Dress­ing Room, Queens Cen­ter Mall

Over­heard by: hop­ing shes not a were­wolf too…

The Gates Changed New York For­ev­er

El­der­ly woman: Ex­cuse me, do you know where 81st Street is? We’re try­ing to get to the high­est point in the park to see The Gates.

A NY­er points out the way. Af­ter she leaves, he says: I’m pret­ty sure I gave her the wrong di­rec­tions, but I think she’s high enough.

–The Ram­ble

Over­heard by: Nathan K. Claus

Guy: Man, this will re­al­ly put New York back on the map.

–The Gates

Suit: Ex­cuse me, I want­ed to ask you about your [big or­ange] wig. Are you ad­vo­cat­ing your sup­port for The Gates or are you com­ment­ing on how crazy and triv­ial they are?
Guy: Uh…what wig?

–The Gates

Over­heard by: Greg Rut­ter

Boy: Mom! Was that “art”?
Moth­er: No, Michael. That was laun­dry.

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Darko Vraither

Old woman #1: Is­n’t it love­ly?
Old woman #2: Well, I would­n’t call it art, but I’m cer­tain­ly glad New York has some­thing to amuse it dur­ing the month of Feb­ru­ary.

–Mo­MA roof

Over­heard by: Michael Bra­cy

Wednes­day McLin­ers

10-year-old sis­ter: Ya know, I’m not eat­ing Mc­Don­ald’s any­more; I’m on a di­et. I on­ly eat Popeyes now.

–Uti­ca Ave

Lit­tle boy, high-fiv­ing Ronald Mc­Don­ald stat­ue: There’s my boy!

–Mc­Don­ald’s, 2nd Ave & 39th St

Over­heard by: Juan Chung

Gay guy to boyfriend while on line: Unnhh-uhh, you need to stop eat­ing Big Macs… Last nite your sperm tast­ed like that sauce!

–Mc­Don­ald’s

Fat moth­er to soon-to-be-fat kids: You can have a hot dog while we try and find a Mc­Don­ald’s.

–Cen­tral Park