Archive for 2020

You Go, Roscoe!

La­dy: Ex­cuse me, do you know where the bath­rooms are?
Fa­ther with tod­dler: Nope, sor­ry.
La­dy: I thought peo­ple with kids al­ways knew where the bath­rooms were.
Fa­ther with tod­dler: Nah, I just let him pee in the grass.

–Cen­tral Park

If You’re So Smart, Ex­plain the Wax

Buff dude #1: Hey, guy.
Smart guy: What’s up?
Buff dude #1: Can you set­tle some­thing? Is Por­tu­gal in Eu­rope or South Amer­i­ca?
Smart guy: Uh, it’s in Eu­rope.
Buff dude #1: See?
Buff dude #2: Okay, okay. But, like, the Por­tuguese they speak in South Amer­i­ca — that’s not the same lan­guage as they speak in South Amer­i­ca, right?
Smart guy: Ac­tu­al­ly, it is. Brazil was set­tled by the Por­tuguese, and the Span­ish got the rest of South Amer­i­ca, which is why they speak Span­ish in the oth­er coun­tries that aren’t Brazil.
Buff dude #2: Oooh! Look who passed his ge­og­ra­phy class!

–Ex­o­dus Gym, Union & Met­ro­pol­i­tan, Williams­burg