Archive for 2020

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Just “So­cia­ble”

Drunk gay man: I’ve slept with more men than my mom has!

–Ave A

Over­heard by: Let his own mom win that con­test

Woman to man: I don’t want to be known as the whore of New York­ers.

–9th Ave & 44th St

Woman on cell: It’s just sex. There’s no way you guys can ever be per­ma­nent­ly tied, or any­thing.

–Ma­cy’s

Prep­py, mid­dle-aged woman, about man on iPhone: Who is that whore?

–Book­store, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: ‑she prob­a­bly said

Fig­ures Don’t Lie

Girl: How long since we broke up is it okay for my ex to start hav­ing sex?
Guy: Who broke up with who?
Girl: I broke up with him last week. He slept with four girls since.
Guy: I think if you broke up with him, it’s okay for him.
Girl: Damn, cause I on­ly slept with one guy since. But I did cheat on him with three guys, so we’re even.

–21st St

Over­heard by: learn­ing some­thing new every­day

We Call It… The Aris­to­crats!

Moth­er #1: Yeah, Thanks­giv­ing is so crazy. I de­cid­ed long ago not to trav­el; it’s too much with the kids.
Moth­er #2: I know. I went to Cal­i­for­nia once with the kids, and it was in­sane!
Moth­er #1: We just have a nice, qui­et din­ner at home.
Moth­er #2: I know! Once, we had a pants­less Thanks­giv­ing. We all sat around the ta­ble with­out any pants on and ate din­ner. The boys were crawl­ing on the ta­ble, it was great!
Moth­er #1: Yikes…

–Av­enue of the Amer­i­c­as

And Is­n’t a “Safe­ty Po­si­tion”, Like, a Sex Thing?

Col­lege girl #1: I mean, if I saw a per­son seiz­ing in the mid­dle of the street, I prob­a­bly would­n’t help them.
Col­lege girl #2: Yeah, I would­n’t know what to do.
Col­lege girl #1: She said that be­cause of her first aid class, she knew to put him in a safe­ty po­si­tion, but I don’t even know what that means! I mean, if a per­son is hav­ing a seizure, I don’t think any po­si­tion is very safe for them…

–Madi­son Square Gar­den

Over­heard by: Scar­lett