Archive for 2020

Just Don’t Try to Fill Them Up With Dirt

Bimbette daughter: So, you like, had to, like, grow corn and shit when you were little?
Old hippie father: Yeah, before I moved to Oregon. We had cows.
Bimbette daughter: Ewww! You had to milk cows?
Old hippie father: Yeah, but cows don’t help with household chores, though. Only crocodiles can do that.
Bimbette daughter: Word.

–Barnes & Noble

The Ant & the Grasshopper (NYC Edition)

Promoter guy: Come see a great comedy show tonight! The tickets are just $5!
Chick: I can’t, I have to study.
Promoter guy: Oh come on, you don’t have to study.
Chick: I actually do, sorry.
Promoter guy: Studying will never get you anywhere.
Chick: Yeah, I’ll remember that next time I’m selling $5 tickets in the snow. 

–West 3rd and Sullivan 

Overheard by: sarahbelle

“What What (In the Wednesday One-Liner)”

Girl to teenage posse: Either the pen was really weak or his butt was really strong.

–Jackson Heights, Queens

Overheard by: Newsbunny doesn’t want to know

Crazy guy to self, after average woman walks by: Damn, that was a fine ass, a fine ass, that ass was so fine I’d eat a sandwich out that ass!

–36th & Broadway

Overheard by: Dingleberry

Large grown woman to grown man: I thought you have all sorts of butt magazines…

–34th & 8th

Guy to girl: I like it when you wear jeans, girl! It’s like your ass is gift wrapped!

–33rd & 7th

Older woman to younger woman: If your booty deserves the credit, give it the credit!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Hell Yeah Give it the Credit!

Dartmouth Girls

Girl #1: Damn… It smells like a fart.
Girl #2: Yeah, I didn’t say anything ’cause I thought it might have been you… [After long pause] So, it was you, wasn’t it?
Girl #1: Fuck yeah!

–Fame Diner

Overheard by: Ms. Hazard

“Happiest Place on Earth,” My Ass

Father to kids: Do you know what’s in Florida!?
Kids: What?!
Father: Disney World!
Kid, happy and excited: Oh wow! Can we go to Disney World?
Father: No.
Kid, sad: Why?!
Father: Because mommy and daddy hate Disney World!

–Chinatown Brasserie

Overheard by: Vieve