Archive for 2020

Just Don’t Try to Fill Them Up With Dirt

Bim­bette daugh­ter: So, you like, had to, like, grow corn and shit when you were lit­tle?
Old hip­pie fa­ther: Yeah, be­fore I moved to Ore­gon. We had cows.
Bim­bette daugh­ter: Ewww! You had to milk cows?
Old hip­pie fa­ther: Yeah, but cows don’t help with house­hold chores, though. On­ly croc­o­diles can do that.
Bim­bette daugh­ter: Word.

–Barnes & No­ble

The Ant & the Grasshop­per (NYC Edi­tion)

Pro­mot­er guy: Come see a great com­e­dy show tonight! The tick­ets are just $5!
Chick: I can’t, I have to study.
Pro­mot­er guy: Oh come on, you don’t have to study.
Chick: I ac­tu­al­ly do, sor­ry.
Pro­mot­er guy: Study­ing will nev­er get you any­where.
Chick: Yeah, I’ll re­mem­ber that next time I’m sell­ing $5 tick­ets in the snow.

–West 3rd and Sul­li­van

Over­heard by: sarah­belle

“What What (In the Wednes­day One-Lin­er)”

Girl to teenage posse: Ei­ther the pen was re­al­ly weak or his butt was re­al­ly strong.

–Jack­son Heights, Queens

Over­heard by: News­bun­ny does­n’t want to know

Crazy guy to self, af­ter av­er­age woman walks by: Damn, that was a fine ass, a fine ass, that ass was so fine I’d eat a sand­wich out that ass!

–36th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Din­gle­ber­ry

Large grown woman to grown man: I thought you have all sorts of butt mag­a­zines…

–34th & 8th

Guy to girl: I like it when you wear jeans, girl! It’s like your ass is gift wrapped!

–33rd & 7th

Old­er woman to younger woman: If your booty de­serves the cred­it, give it the cred­it!

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Hell Yeah Give it the Cred­it!

Dart­mouth Girls

Girl #1: Damn… It smells like a fart.
Girl #2: Yeah, I did­n’t say any­thing ’cause I thought it might have been you… [Af­ter long pause] So, it was you, was­n’t it?
Girl #1: Fuck yeah!

–Fame Din­er

Over­heard by: Ms. Haz­ard

“Hap­pi­est Place on Earth,” My Ass

Fa­ther to kids: Do you know what’s in Flori­da!?
Kids: What?!
Fa­ther: Dis­ney World!
Kid, hap­py and ex­cit­ed: Oh wow! Can we go to Dis­ney World?
Fa­ther: No.
Kid, sad: Why?!
Fa­ther: Be­cause mom­my and dad­dy hate Dis­ney World!

–Chi­na­town Brasserie

Over­heard by: Vieve