Archive for 2020

I See Har­vey Kei­t­el as the Moth­er

Mom to a sev­en-year-old kid on school bus: Fuck­ing an­i­mal, I’ll fuck­ing kill you!
Sev­en-year-old bul­ly: Suck my dick, you ug­ly bitch!
Mom to son: Every fuck­ing day! I can’t stand this shit!

–11th St & 4th ave, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Wish she did­n’t live on the block

Whine N’ Crackas

Guy af­ter hang­ing up phone: Sor­ry about that. I sched­uled a phone meet­ing with my ther­a­pist.
Black la­dy sit­ting next to him the whole time: Oh, it’s all good. I had no idea white peo­ple had those kinds of prob­lems!

–Mc­Don­ald’s

Over­heard by: Clark

Wel­come to the Wednes­day One-Lin­er Po­si­tion­ing Sys­tem

Girl on cell, look­ing for her friends: Can you see me? Look at the sun, I’m di­rect­ly un­der it right now.

–Sheep Mead­ow, Cen­tral Park

Guy on cell: Yeah, we’ll go now. Okay. Right now, I’m at 116 and Hamsterdam–Hamsterdam? What the fuck did I just say? Oh, wow, that is a dis­turb­ing men­tal im­age. Yeah, ex­act­ly. Riv­er full of ham­sters. Okay, see ya.

–116th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: That would be tru­ly ter­ri­fy­ing.

Harlem woman on cell: Come find me! I’m on the down­town side of the street!

–East Side

Drunk guy on cell: Yo, I’m on the cor­ner of fuckin’ some­thin’ an some­thin’.

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Drunk on cell: Where am I? Where am I? I’m at the cor­ner of Charles Street and moth­er­fuck­ing I don’t know!

–West Vil­lage

Woman to friends: Oh thank god! I feel so much safer now that we’re at 7th Av­enue.

–G Train

NYC: The Best Restau­rants Beget the Best Eat­ing Dis­or­ders

Well-dressed girl #1: You know what?
Well-dressed girl #2: What?
Well-dressed girl #1: Throw­ing up at work re­al­ly is­n’t as bad as it seems.

–Prince Street be­tween Lafayette & Mul­ber­ry

Waif #1: Ugh. I feel so fat…I feel so gross. I’m not go­ing to fit in­to any of my sum­mer clothes…I’ve been try­ing to be so good, go­ing to the gym every­day and every­thing.
Waif #2: You’re not fat.
Waif #1: Yes I am. You can on­ly say that be­cause you’re thin…I ate a sal­ad to­day for lunch. But then I just ate all of these sweet thinga­ma­jig­gies.

–W train

Over­heard by: No­ra S.

Co­lum­bia chick on cell: …I mean, like, yes­ter­day I to­tal­ly pigged out on sal­ad.

–116th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: djlindee