Archive for 2020

I See Harvey Keitel as the Mother

Mom to a seven-year-old kid on school bus: Fucking animal, I’ll fucking kill you!
Seven-year-old bully: Suck my dick, you ugly bitch!
Mom to son: Every fucking day! I can’t stand this shit!

–11th St & 4th ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Wish she didn’t live on the block

Whine N’ Crackas

Guy after hanging up phone: Sorry about that. I scheduled a phone meeting with my therapist.
Black lady sitting next to him the whole time: Oh, it’s all good. I had no idea white people had those kinds of problems!

–McDonald’s

Overheard by: Clark


Welcome to the Wednesday One-Liner Positioning System

Girl on cell, looking for her friends: Can you see me? Look at the sun, I’m directly under it right now.

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Guy on cell: Yeah, we’ll go now. Okay. Right now, I’m at 116 and Hamsterdam – Hamsterdam? What the fuck did I just say? Oh, wow, that is a disturbing mental image. Yeah, exactly. River full of hamsters. Okay, see ya.

–116th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: That would be truly terrifying.

Harlem woman on cell: Come find me! I’m on the downtown side of the street!

–East Side

Drunk guy on cell: Yo, I’m on the corner of fuckin’ somethin’ an somethin’.

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Drunk on cell: Where am I? Where am I? I’m at the corner of Charles Street and motherfucking I don’t know!

–West Village

Woman to friends: Oh thank god! I feel so much safer now that we’re at 7th Avenue.

–G Train

NYC: The Best Restaurants Beget the Best Eating Disorders

Well-dressed girl #1: You know what?
Well-dressed girl #2: What?
Well-dressed girl #1: Throwing up at work really isn’t as bad as it seems.

–Prince Street between Lafayette & Mulberry

Waif #1: Ugh. I feel so fat…I feel so gross. I’m not going to fit into any of my summer clothes…I’ve been trying to be so good, going to the gym everyday and everything.
Waif #2: You’re not fat.
Waif #1: Yes I am. You can only say that because you’re thin…I ate a salad today for lunch. But then I just ate all of these sweet thingamajiggies.

–W train

Overheard by: Nora S.

Columbia chick on cell: …I mean, like, yesterday I totally pigged out on salad.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: djlindee