Archive for 2020

Next: “Should I Be Dieting?”

Platinum blonde to brunette friend: Should I be tanning?
Brunette friend, earnestly: You’re already tan! You’re a tan person!
Blonde girl: No I’m not!

–Columbia University


No Shit?

Teen boy #1: Yo son, butt sex mad disgusting.
Teen boy #2: No, it ain’t. If she shit before you do it you won’t get no poop on yo dick.
Teen boy #1: Pfft. They always be shit in her ass even if she shits.
Teen boy #2: Nah, son.
Teen boy #1: When you pull the mushroom out there gonna be shit under it.
Teen boy #2: Ha, ha, ha! No, it ain’t…Ask her about it.

–R train

Overheard by: Evan Walsh

He Won’t Even Use Old Ones to Line His Bird’s Cage

Wanna-be preppy: Hey! Is that the newspaper?
Slacker: Yeah.
Wanna-be preppy: Let’s have a look at it.
(slacker throws paper into locker and locks locker)
Wanna-be preppy: Aw, why did you do that?
Slacker: I can’t let you see it. It’s not mine.
Wanna-be preppy: Whose is it?
Slacker: My girlfriend’s brother. He’s really sensitive…
Wanna-be preppy: Really sensitive about the newspaper?

–Midtown

Overheard by: Kane