Archive for 2020

Next: “Should I Be Di­et­ing?”

Plat­inum blonde to brunette friend: Should I be tan­ning?
Brunette friend, earnest­ly: You’re al­ready tan! You’re a tan per­son!
Blonde girl: No I’m not!

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Call­ing Me on My Trans­par­ent Scam Like That

Home­less man to pas­sen­gers: If you ever have any left­over food or drinks or what­not, you can bring them to me at this ad­dress. (hands out busi­ness cards)
Suit: Umm… How’d you get the mon­ey to print out busi­ness cards?
Home­less man: Kiss my ass, give me that card back!

–6 Train

Over­heard by: Chris­tine

Next Time Im­pede the In­ves­ti­ga­tion in Finnish

[Pa­trol car flash­ing lights at curb. Small group of high-school­ers cor­ralled against wall]Police of­fi­cer: So what hap­pened –what did you see?
Sharp teen: No hablo in­glés.
Of­fi­cer, in per­fect Span­ish: En­tonces, que pasó? Qué viste?
Smart teen: No hablo es­pañol!

–85th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Christo­pher Stone

No Shit?

Teen boy #1: Yo son, butt sex mad dis­gust­ing.
Teen boy #2: No, it ain’t. If she shit be­fore you do it you won’t get no poop on yo dick.
Teen boy #1: Pfft. They al­ways be shit in her ass even if she shits.
Teen boy #2: Nah, son.
Teen boy #1: When you pull the mush­room out there gonna be shit un­der it.
Teen boy #2: Ha, ha, ha! No, it ain’t…Ask her about it.

–R train

Over­heard by: Evan Walsh