Archive for 2020

Maybe Mom Got a Head Wound in Iraq, or Something

Little kid: Hey, mom, look! You can see the moon!
Ghetto mom: Shut up! You can’t see no moon when the sun out. Sit down ‘fore I bust yo little ass!
Little kid: But I can see the moon!
Nice older lady to kid: You’re right, honey. You can see the moon when the sun is out. The moon is bright because of the sun.
Kid to mom: See, I told you I could see the moon?
Ghetto mom: That bitch lyin’!

–A Train

Overheard by: innocent mta customer

Wednesday One-Liners, High and in School

Teen girl to friends: I’m ready to get drunk and make some mistakes this weekend! What up? High five it!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: ethan

Teen kid to another: I got mad homework… I got my Foot Locker job… I got my girl… Yo, son, you gotta get it done, land that shit in the Hudson, son!

–J Train

Overheard by: Ed O’Neill

Teenage girl: Eww! That’s so gross. There’s nothing that makes me more uncomfortable than pregnancy, babies, and tourists. Good thing I’m not any one of those!

–1 Train

Teenage boy to friends: You know I’ve never been grounded? Not even that one time when I hit my dad back.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Evan M

Teen girl to friend: Wait a second… So you can’t get pregnant if you’re both wearing jeans, right?

–Outside Catholic High School, Queens


Oh No She Didn’t

Guy #1: Is that the last Harry Potter?
Girl with book: No, there’s one more after this.
Guy #1: What? How old is he? Isn’t he getting a little old to be in school?
Guy #2: He’s special, that’s why he goes to magic school.
Girl with book: Yeah, Harry rides the short train to school. 

–Newark airport

Overheard by: Jujubee

Above the Average Would Be Luckier

Mom: Eat this first and then you can have your Lucky Charms.
Little boy: No! I hate banana!
Mom: You do not; you were begging me for banana on Sunday. Fine. Turkey bacon, then.
Little boy: No.
Mom: Fine. Nothing for you. Say, “OK, Mommy.”
Little boy: You’re mean.
Mom: You’re lucky to have a mean mommy.

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: Kate Lane