Archive for 2020

Maybe Mom Got a Head Wound in Iraq, or Some­thing

Lit­tle kid: Hey, mom, look! You can see the moon!
Ghet­to mom: Shut up! You can’t see no moon when the sun out. Sit down ‘fore I bust yo lit­tle ass!
Lit­tle kid: But I can see the moon!
Nice old­er la­dy to kid: You’re right, hon­ey. You can see the moon when the sun is out. The moon is bright be­cause of the sun.
Kid to mom: See, I told you I could see the moon?
Ghet­to mom: That bitch lyin’!

–A Train

Over­heard by: in­no­cent mta cus­tomer

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, High and in School

Teen girl to friends: I’m ready to get drunk and make some mis­takes this week­end! What up? High five it!

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: ethan

Teen kid to an­oth­er: I got mad home­work… I got my Foot Lock­er job… I got my girl… Yo, son, you got­ta get it done, land that shit in the Hud­son, son!

–J Train

Over­heard by: Ed O’Neill

Teenage girl: Eww! That’s so gross. There’s noth­ing that makes me more un­com­fort­able than preg­nan­cy, ba­bies, and tourists. Good thing I’m not any one of those!

–1 Train

Teenage boy to friends: You know I’ve nev­er been ground­ed? Not even that one time when I hit my dad back.

–4 Train

Over­heard by: Evan M

Teen girl to friend: Wait a sec­ond… So you can’t get preg­nant if you’re both wear­ing jeans, right?

–Out­side Catholic High School, Queens

Oh No She Did­n’t

Guy #1: Is that the last Har­ry Pot­ter?
Girl with book: No, there’s one more af­ter this.
Guy #1: What? How old is he? Is­n’t he get­ting a lit­tle old to be in school?
Guy #2: He’s spe­cial, that’s why he goes to mag­ic school.
Girl with book: Yeah, Har­ry rides the short train to school.

–Newark air­port

Over­heard by: Ju­jubee

Above the Av­er­age Would Be Luck­i­er

Mom: Eat this first and then you can have your Lucky Charms.
Lit­tle boy: No! I hate ba­nana!
Mom: You do not; you were beg­ging me for ba­nana on Sun­day. Fine. Turkey ba­con, then.
Lit­tle boy: No.
Mom: Fine. Noth­ing for you. Say, “OK, Mom­my.”
Lit­tle boy: You’re mean.
Mom: You’re lucky to have a mean mom­my.

–La­Guardia

Over­heard by: Kate Lane