Archive for 2020

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Aren’t a Tourist At­trac­tion, Ass­holes

Chick to friend, stand­ing silent­ly for sev­er­al min­utes: You know, there re­al­ly is­n’t that much to see here.

–Ground Ze­ro

Woman on cell: What about the Christ­mas cards with the twin tow­ers sur­round­ed by flow­ers? … Yeah. Kin­da grim, huh?

–Barnes & No­ble, Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Karyn Re­gal

Wannabe-hard­core bim­bette: So, this is where it all went down, huh? Where the shit hit the fan…

–PATH sta­tion, WTC

Over­heard by: Wes­T­exMike

Tourist man to MTA la­dy: I want to go to that World Trade Cen­ter thing.

–14th St sta­tion

Tourist: Is this nine-eleven?

–Ground Ze­ro

Over­heard by: du­plic­i­ty

Some­times Courtship Is­n’t Even Worth It.

Man in mid­dle of midlife cri­sis, try­ing to look “world weary” but still sexy: Wow, you’ve seen The Big Lebows­ki?
Late teen, whose re­la­tion­ship to this man is dis­turbing­ly un­clear: Oh yeah. All my friends told me I had to see it.
Man: That’s a clas­sic. If you want to be an ac­tress, watch a Co­en broth­ers movie, they are so good.
Late teen: Oh yeah? What else have they done?
Man, af­ter five-sec­ond pause: Um, I don’t know off-hand.
Late teen, con­tin­u­ing with­out a hitch: Well, I love hor­ror movies. I’ve seen all of the Saw movies. And I’ve read all of the CSI books.
Man: If you like hor­ror and crime scenes, maybe you should be­come a foren­sic sci­en­tist.
Late teen: Yeah, like I’ve al­ways ad­mired bi­ol­o­gy re­search.
Man: Weren’t you think­ing of study­ing den­tistry?
Late teen: Yeah. But I don’t like kids. Plus, I want to see a live heart and feel it pump­ing in my hand, you know? And I saw a ca­dav­er once. At Co­lum­bia Pres­by­ter­ian. My dad showed it to me.
Man, quick­ly: Wow.
Late teen: Yeah, I al­so like, you know, col­lect­ing stuff. I have a huge cig­ar col­lec­tion.
Man, lis­ten­ing more at­ten­tive­ly: Re­al­ly? Can I see…
Late teen, in­ter­rupt­ing: Well, it’s my dad’s col­lec­tion. But I al­so have thou­sands of base­ball cards. And stamps.
Man, an­noyed that the cig­ar top­ic has tak­en a back seat: How did you get so many base­ball cards?
Late teen: I’ve been col­lect­ing them, since I was young. Oh, and I just got the Simp­sons stamps. They are so awe­some!
Man: Yeah…

–Star­bucks