Archive for 2020

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Can Pick Up Quar­ters With No Hands

Girl on cell: Quite frankly, I’d rather be pole danc­ing.

–Bryant Park

Over­heard by: brain­curve

Girl: I mean, I’m a strip­per, but that don’t mean I’m a ho.

–Cen­tral Park

Guy on cell: I don’t get the whole Pent­house Club thing. There are strip­pers, and they serve you steak? I don’t want a fuck­ing strip­per on my lap while I’m eat­ing steak. I’ve got a knife.

–Austin Street, For­est Hills

Over­heard by: Ethan

Black girl: ‘Fo re­al, she makes all that mon­ey dancin’, and she can’t even her­self get a weave?

–86th & 2nd

Are You Fuck­ing With Me, Ma’am?

An­i­mat­ed blonde sales­girl: If you get the ap­ple pome­gran­ate body but­ter…
Weary brunette: I on­ly see the dis­play.
An­i­mat­ed blonde sales­girl: We have more in the back. Okay, well, if you get two or more prod­ucts from the bath line, like this and our show­er gel, you get a free bath­tub!
Weary brunette: Huh?
(an­i­mat­ed blonde sales­girl points to a lit­tle plas­tic bath­tub)
Weary brunette: That’s… tiny. Like, I love the scent but I’m afraid I don’t have any kit­tens or fe­tus­es to bathe in that tiny tiny tub.

–Sepho­ra, Times Square

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Get Paid Fri­day

Man look­ing at the Metronome clock: I think that’s the na­tion­al deficit.

–Union Square

Em­ploy­ee: Shit, I don’t have no pen­nies. Tell Dunkin’ Donuts they owe you nine cents!

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Gra­ham Ave

Girl: Non-prof­it groups are, like, so non-lu­cra­tive!

–Ful­ton St

Over­heard by: Pants

Spas­tic kid: All I have to my name is a cig­a­rette and two Saca­gawea coins!

–Web­ster Hall

Over­heard by: Jess Co­hennnnn

JAP on cell: I had a night­mare last night that Mom can­celed my cred­it card state­ment… I know! It was the worst — like, I woke up sweat­ing!

–NYU

Over­heard by: glam­our­charm

Chick: ‘In­suf­fi­cient fare’?! What does that mean?

–7th Ave sub­way sta­tion

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Dropped Out of Lamaze

Girl: And it’s, like, strike two. You’re to­tal­ly not get­ting a ba­by gift when I find out you’re preg­gers on Face­book.

–M23 bus

Suit on cell: My dad was mak­ing out with the nurse while I was be­ing born…

–Ful­ton St

Over­heard by: Miss Rach

Home­less la­dy: God’s preg­nant! He wants the city dead! God’s preg­nant!

–46th St & 5th Ave

Young boy pump­ing arms at sides and thrust­ing pelvis: Fer­til­ize me!

–Star­bucks