Archive for 2020

Go the Fuck to Sleep, Wednesday One-Liners!

Assertive six-year-old boy to his mother: You need to tell on people because people need to be punished.

–6th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: Don Willmott

Toddler in stroller, exiting train station: I want to go to Columbia university!

–96th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Josh

Little boy to father: Because after you seduce somebody, the person you seduced…

–30th Ave & 42nd St

Overheard by: Jeff Stephens

Little girl to mother: Are we going to get chocolate chip animal cookies? I need them, I’m so dehydrated!

–2 Train

Wasn’t This a Teen Movie?

Teen girl to friends: I’ve heard that they unleash packs of Rottweilers here at night.
Friends: What?
Girl: Yeah, to keep people from just hiding in here and sleeping, or whatever. Because it’s so big and they can’t cover the whole thing… Packs of Rottweilers covering the woods… (friends gasp)

–New York Botanical Gardens

Holy Wednesay-One-Liners, Batman!

Little boy, hearing loud explosion: Jesus Christ!

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: Farley

Suit to girlfriend: Are you mad at Jesus?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Matt

Girl, pointing to eyebrow ring: I receive God through this hole in my eye!

–Financier Patisserie, Stone St

Overheard by: Gen

Teen girl: Yeah, so I was about to go down on him, and I got smacked in the face with Jesus. It was so not hot.

–Sheepshead Bay

Overheard by: Lotte

Black man: Free Post! Free Post! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, free at last! Free Post!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: jackattack

JAP: When I told my mom I didn’t want to fast today she said ‘That’s ok, no one said you had to’ and I said ‘Ummm, I think God did.’

–33rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: ak

Man to cop: Can’t you do nuthin’ about those damn Jehovah’s Nitwits?

–Grand Central

Silly Boy, We’re Swedenborgians

Stoner #1, interrupting conversation between two girls: Are you guys even speaking English?
Girl #1: Um, yes we are?
Girl #2: Why?
Stoner #1: It sounded like Swedish!
Stoner #2: They’re Dennmarkians, you idiot!
(girls burst into laughter)

–Central Park Swings

Overheard by: I just wanted to swing..

Dude, Are You Calling from a Pay Phone?

Man on pay phone, screaming at the top of his lungs: I didn’t fucking do anything wrong, you fucking goddamn bitch! (pauses as people back away) You fucking stupid fucking cunt! (frothing) I didn’t fucking do anything wrong!

–Atlantic Ave