Archive for 2020

With This Ring, I Thee Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to marry me and you hesitated. You hesitated!

–Grand Central Terminal

Acting professor: Act as if you’re fascinated by what they’re saying, while thinking about something else. That’s what boys learn to do when they get married.

–NYU

Overheard by: Lisa

Man, advising another flirting with hot woman: You gotta go for it–unless she’s married!

–2 Train

Five-year-old boy to another: Yeah, well… I’ll let you marry my daughter!

–10th St & University

Overheard by: Ricky

Man to male friend: So basically, I took her to a gay bar on our wedding night.

–Central Park

Chick to guy: Are we *seriously* arguing about whether or not aunt Jemima would support gay marriage?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

Wednesday Womb-Liners

Middle-aged woman: I’ve had three pregnancies so far this year!

–Union Square

Classy gal to friend: I said, “listen bitch, I would beat you up, but you’re fucking pregnant!”

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: astoria mets fan

Ghetto girl to another: I don’t know how it happened! He pulls out all the time!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Chris Harmison

Overweight girl: I wish I was pregnant again. They treat you special when you’re pregnant.

–W 39th St

That’s Not Really By Choice, Fattie

Girl #1: Oh, look! Those clothes are cute. Let’s go look over there.
Girl #2: Those are maternity clothes.
Girl #1: Oh my God, no way!
Girl #2: Yes, see? It says “A Pea in the Pod Maternity Clothes”.
Girl #1: Oh wow, I had no idea!
Girl #2: Yeah, they are.
Girl #1: Well! There isn’t going to be a pea in this pod any time soon, I can tell you that! 

–Macy’s

America, Encapsulated

Fat man to woman next to him: Don’t touch me, I just had surgery. If you touch me again I’m gonna call the cops.
Old man: She’s only touching you because she’s sitting next to you and you’re overweight.
Fat man: Oh, so what? You’re perfect?
Old man: No, I’m overweight, too.

–M31 Bus

Overheard by: