Archive for 2020

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have Trou­ble Re-Fold­ing the Map

New York­er: …and then the tourists paused near the con­struc­tion of the New York Times’ new build­ing, and one, who was I guess their leader, point­ed to it and said, “Every­one, that’s Ground Ze­ro.”

–26th & Park

Tourist: And this is H Street. So we’ll be in So­Ho next.

–Hous­ton Street

Tourist girl: Oh, look! I think that’s Times Square!

–Broad­way & Hous­ton

Over­heard by: Sum­i­tra

Woman on cell: No, I can’t. I’m in the Times Square area right now.

–Canal & Bax­ter

Over­heard by: Steph J.

Dude: Ex­cuse me, is this Times Square?

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Dumb­found­ed

Teenage girl: Does this train go to Man­hat­tan?

–Times Square, wait­ing for the down­town C train

Over­heard by: Court­ney

Tourist: Wait, are we in Man­hat­tan or just New York?

–Times Square

Over­heard by: bet­sy

Aus­tralian hip­ster: Could you tell me how to get back to Man­hat­tan?

–112th & Broad­way

Hang­ing up is just too hard

Woman, scream­ing in­to her cell phone: I SAID I DON’T KNOW YOU. I CALLED THE WRONG NUM­BER. I’M NOT AN­SWER­ING ANY MORE QUES­TIONS FROM YOU. I DID­N’T WANT TO CALL YOU. I DON’T KNOW YOU. I DON’T KNOW. I THOUGHT THIS WAS SOME­ONE ELSE’S NUM­BER. I DON’T WANT TO DIS­TURB YOU. I DON’T KNOW! WHY ARE YOU ASK­ING ME THAT? I DON’T KNOW YOU. I DID­N’T MEAN TO ALL YOU. I’M NOT AN­SWER­ING ANY MORE QUES­TIONS. BYE.

–Union Square Park

A Re­al­ly Hor­ri­ble Per­son Would­n’t Have Used the Con­doms

Hip­ster #1: I can’t be­lieve you went home with that fat NYU chick last night.
Hip­ster #2: Yeah, I was out-of-my-mind drunk. But I to­tal­ly vin­di­cat­ed my­self im­me­di­ate­ly af­ter.
Hip­ster #1: Yeah?
Hip­ster #2: We must have wok­en up her hot blond suit­e­m­ate when she screamed out “Oh my God, fuck me with your gi­ant cock!“
Hip­ster #1: And how do you know?
Hip­ster #2: Be­cause af­ter­ward, she passed out, and I went out to her liv­ing room to have a smoke, and her room­mate came out in her PJs to join me for a smoke. Then I banged her on the couch.
Hip­ster #1: That’s awe­some.
Hip­ster #2: Yeah. The fun­ni­est part was, I snuck back in­to her room when she was passed out and stole some con­doms from her draw­er.
Hip­ster #1: You’re a hor­ri­ble per­son.
Hip­ster #2: I know.

–L train

Over­heard by: Slap­py McGee