Archive for 2020

Wednesday One-Liners Have Trouble Re-Folding the Map

New Yorker: …and then the tourists paused near the construction of the New York Times’ new building, and one, who was I guess their leader, pointed to it and said, “Everyone, that’s Ground Zero.”

–26th & Park

Tourist: And this is H Street. So we’ll be in SoHo next.

–Houston Street

Tourist girl: Oh, look! I think that’s Times Square!

–Broadway & Houston

Overheard by: Sumitra

Woman on cell: No, I can’t. I’m in the Times Square area right now.

–Canal & Baxter

Overheard by: Steph J.

Dude: Excuse me, is this Times Square?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Dumbfounded

Teenage girl: Does this train go to Manhattan?

–Times Square, waiting for the downtown C train

Overheard by: Courtney

Tourist: Wait, are we in Manhattan or just New York?

–Times Square

Overheard by: betsy

Australian hipster: Could you tell me how to get back to Manhattan?

–112th & Broadway

Hanging up is just too hard

Woman, screaming into her cell phone: I SAID I DON’T KNOW YOU. I CALLED THE WRONG NUMBER. I’M NOT ANSWERING ANY MORE QUESTIONS FROM YOU. I DIDN’T WANT TO CALL YOU. I DON’T KNOW YOU. I DON’T KNOW. I THOUGHT THIS WAS SOMEONE ELSE’S NUMBER. I DON’T WANT TO DISTURB YOU. I DON’T KNOW! WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT? I DON’T KNOW YOU. I DIDN’T MEAN TO ALL YOU. I’M NOT ANSWERING ANY MORE QUESTIONS. BYE.

–Union Square Park

A Really Horrible Person Wouldn’t Have Used the Condoms

Hipster #1: I can’t believe you went home with that fat NYU chick last night.
Hipster #2: Yeah, I was out-of-my-mind drunk. But I totally vindicated myself immediately after.
Hipster #1: Yeah?
Hipster #2: We must have woken up her hot blond suitemate when she screamed out “Oh my God, fuck me with your giant cock!“
Hipster #1: And how do you know?
Hipster #2: Because afterward, she passed out, and I went out to her living room to have a smoke, and her roommate came out in her PJs to join me for a smoke. Then I banged her on the couch.
Hipster #1: That’s awesome.
Hipster #2: Yeah. The funniest part was, I snuck back into her room when she was passed out and stole some condoms from her drawer.
Hipster #1: You’re a horrible person.
Hipster #2: I know.

–L train

Overheard by: Slappy McGee