Archive for 2020

Does Psycho Killer Start with P?

Girl: I’m thinking of an animal that starts with a P.
Guy: Porcupine?
Girl: No. Wait, are those big smears of blood all over that subway map?
Guy: I think they’re paint.
Girl: They’re totally blood.
Guy: [looks harder] Yeah, you’re totally right… Penguin?
Girl: Nope! 

–1 train

Overheard by: djlindee

He Hates Sweeping Up Shattered Ethnic Stereotypes

Old Jewish man: My doorman doesn’t like me.
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: Why?
Old Jewish man: If I told you, you wouldn’t believe it. I had a bunch of newspapers I had to throw out, but I had to put them in the recycling bin. So I was opening it up when a black woman said to me, “aw, sir, you don’t have to go through the garbage!” and she gave me twenty dollars!
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: You didn’t keep it, did you?
Old Jewish man: She dashed away down the stairs! I had to.
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: And the doorman saw that?
Old Jewish man: Uh-huh.

–Chase Bank, Queens Blvd

I’d Rather Date Her

Boyfriend holding up slutty top: What about this one?
Girlfriend: If you were a girl you’d be the biggest skank in New York.

–Charlotte Russe, Manhattan Mall, 33rd & 6th

Headline by: Scott

Runners-Up:

· “And knock the Statue of Liberty right off that pedestal.” — LORI

· “But at least it flatters my man-boobs” — Andrew

· “I learned from the best” — Breanne S.

· “Putting the “Ho” back in “Homeboy”” — cinekat

· “What She Doesn’t Know Won’t Hurt Her” — Alison R.


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Just When You Think Your Walk Of Shame Can’t Get Any Worse

Girl: I’ll have a grande skim latte, please.
Counter guy: What size do you want? Grande? Like, “large” in Spanish?
Girl: Oh, um, no I want a small. No! A medium. Sorry, I can’t talk today. (looks down at hand) And I’m trying to pay with my student ID.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, The Bronx