Archive for 2020

Does Psy­cho Killer Start with P?

Girl: I’m think­ing of an an­i­mal that starts with a P.
Guy: Por­cu­pine?
Girl: No. Wait, are those big smears of blood all over that sub­way map?
Guy: I think they’re paint.
Girl: They’re to­tal­ly blood.
Guy: [looks hard­er] Yeah, you’re to­tal­ly right… Pen­guin?
Girl: Nope!

–1 train

Over­heard by: djlindee

He Hates Sweep­ing Up Shat­tered Eth­nic Stereo­types

Old Jew­ish man: My door­man does­n’t like me.
Younger re­tired Jew­ish man with dog: Why?
Old Jew­ish man: If I told you, you would­n’t be­lieve it. I had a bunch of news­pa­pers I had to throw out, but I had to put them in the re­cy­cling bin. So I was open­ing it up when a black woman said to me, “aw, sir, you don’t have to go through the garbage!” and she gave me twen­ty dol­lars!
Younger re­tired Jew­ish man with dog: You did­n’t keep it, did you?
Old Jew­ish man: She dashed away down the stairs! I had to.
Younger re­tired Jew­ish man with dog: And the door­man saw that?
Old Jew­ish man: Uh-huh.

–Chase Bank, Queens Blvd

I’d Rather Date Her

Boyfriend hold­ing up slut­ty top: What about this one?
Girl­friend: If you were a girl you’d be the biggest skank in New York.

–Char­lotte Russe, Man­hat­tan Mall, 33rd & 6th

Head­line by: Scott

Run­ners-Up:

· “And knock the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty right off that pedestal.” — LORI

· “But at least it flat­ters my man-boobs” — An­drew

· “I learned from the best” — Bre­anne S.

· “Putting the “Ho” back in “Home­boy”” — cinekat

· “What She Does­n’t Know Won’t Hurt Her” — Al­i­son R.


Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Just When You Think Your Walk Of Shame Can’t Get Any Worse

Girl: I’ll have a grande skim lat­te, please.
Counter guy: What size do you want? Grande? Like, “large” in Span­ish?
Girl: Oh, um, no I want a small. No! A medi­um. Sor­ry, I can’t talk to­day. (looks down at hand) And I’m try­ing to pay with my stu­dent ID.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, The Bronx