Eight-year-old ghetto kid: Mama, give me your cell phone! I gotta call my girlfriend.
Mother: What you gonna talk to her about? How you can't read and write? Tell her to help you with that!
–Harlem
Overheard by: Joe
Archive for 2020
Wednesday One-liners Get on My Nerves
Guy: The people here are so friendly…It’s kind of annoying.
–PS 1, LIC
…And How Did You Know?
Old, crazy-looking black dude: The problem, James, is that you’re letting pride go to your head!
White college kid whose name probably isn’t James: Who are you?
–Times Square station
Sigmund Freud Drives a Bus?
Obnoxious girl singing Spice Girls loudly: Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want..
Bus driver, over mic: What d'you want?
–Q34 Bus
Overheard by: Donna
Where No One Dares to Look
Guy: Where do you keep your pussy enhancer?
Girl: On the shelf, under my Pee-wee Herman doll.
–160th St & Malcolm X
Overheard by: Hanz Shnrub
Why Do We Even Bring Them to This Country?
Filthy rich mom #1: I don’t know what I’ll do this summer. I mean, my nanny has a life.
Filthy rich mom #2: Ugh, I know. That’s exactly the trouble.
–Collegiate School, W 78th St
Not 'Til You Can Learn to Master Your Gag Reflex, Young Lady
12-year-old girl: Mom, can we get a hot dog or something later?
Girl's mom: No, it'll make you fat.
12-year-old girl: But…
Girl's mom: Fat!
–F Train
Overheard by: Immallama
…By Show Of Hands?
Woman begging: Spare some change? Anyone spare some change? Can I have the rest of your drink?
Woman sitting on platform bench: I'm not giving you my fucking drink!
Woman begging: Eat me!
Woman sitting on platform bench: Who the fuck would want to eat your pussy?
–7 Train
Overheard by: Scott
…Now You Have Fake Hunger
Girl: I'm still so hungry!
Guy: I told you, you should have eaten some of my California roll.
Girl: But it had dead animal in it. (pause) Well, fake dead animal, but still… see more.
Guy: Yeah, I get it…
–Christopher St
When Sufferers Meet Surfers
Young Jewish boy handing out flyers: Are you Jewish?
Couple walking by: No, we're Australian.
–7th Ave & 56th St
Overheard by: Lisa