Girl #1: Yeah, but you were too far away this weekend.
Girl #2: I was in Queens!
–59th St & Lexington
Overheard by: MTina
Archive for 2021
Because Obama Totally Seems Like the Type Of Guy Who Listens to Rap
Obese black man #1 playing loud obscene rap song: What she looking at? (points to two old Russian women at the front of bus) Man, these white people. Don’t they know this is a free fuckin’ country?
Obese black man #2: Yeah, I’m tellin you, now that Obama’s elected, white people are gonna know what the fuck’s up.
–Q63 Bus
Overheard by: filemeunder
Haven’t You Been Issued a Copy Of the Revised Constitution?
Cop: You gotta keep moving.
Vagrant: But it’s free…it’s a free…
Cop: No. It ain’t.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jason Scott
To-Do List: Continue Sit-Ups. Refine Chitchat.
Fat creepster: Where you goin’, girl?
Terrified blonde: … Home?
Fat creepster: Have a nice cunt! Oh, day! I mean ‘day’!
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: Freudian Slip
Wednesday One-Liners for David Hasselhoff
20-something guy: I’ve been drinking for, what, seven hours now? (mumbles) Fuck this shit. Fuck that shit. Fuck the French consulate!
–F Train
Overheard by: Amy
Drunk 20-something on cell, after boyfriend steps away: He went for more beer.
3 16-ounce beers and a pretzel so far. Yeah, I have a buzz, ohmigod, it’s way hot. Yes, he is… You know how I get with a beer buzz. Yes, I hope we leave soon. (pause) His place.
I hope he makes a pretzel out of me!
–Yankee Stadium
Very drunk woman slurring to red-headed guy and Indian guy she just met: Ginger and Indian! Ginger and Indian, come here!
–L Train
Overheard by: Alison R
Drunk guy walking into store to cashier: Excuse me ma’am, where is the duck tape? I have a bit of a situation…
–Home Store, Brooklyn
This Leopard-Print Fannypack Is Just Style
Flyer guy: Want to see a comedy show? It’s hilarious!
(passers-by ignore him)
Flyer guy: Okay, good talk.
Hipster girl: (giggles)
Flyer guy: Oh! You like laughing, want to see a comedy show?
Hipster girl: No. I’m not a fucking tourist, leave me alone.
–Times Square
Overheard by: not a tourist
Pants on Fire
Woman: You know I lie. I lie all the time. But I lie about little things, I don’t lie about big things. That’s a big thing, I wouldn’t lie about that!
–Midtown
But, Um… Do Some Women Have Testicles?
Suit #1: Anal leakage… I’m sorry, man.
Suit #2: Yup. No joke, though. That’s the first and last time I’ll be doing that.
Suit #1: Was she hot?
Suit #2: Couldn’t tell. I had my eyes closed the whole time.
–6 train
According to My Life-Coach
Black guy: You know what I need to do? I need to eat yo’ pussy on the train. I got head three times on the train already.
Girlfriend: Shhh!
Black guy: That’s what I need to do. I need to eat yo’ pussy on the train.
–F train
Overheard by: Jofo
I’m More of a Fourth-Date Girl
Teen girl: It’s just… Even though he was fat, I liked him because of his personality. But once I actually saw his penis, or more like lack of a penis, that was just the last straw. I mean, you can be kinda fat with an awesome personality, but you’ve gotta have a good-sized dick, y’know?
Friend: Wait, you didn’t know he had a small dick until last week?!
–56th & 3rd
Overheard by: samantha
