Archive for January, 2021

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Pub­lish or Per­ish

Pro­fes­sor: I’m gonna show you a lit­tle old in­ser­tion trick that my grand­moth­er taught me. It works great.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: wba2101

Pro­fes­sor: Every­one is here ex­cept the per­son who is not here.

–City Col­lege

Over­heard by: ClaR­i­ty

Latin pro­fes­sor: So, what Tibul­lus is try­ing to say is that old women have to be in the beau­ty par­lor a lot! Beau­ty does­n’t come as eas­i­ly as when you’re 18 and al­ways look­ing great… Well, I sup­pose that’s not ex­act­ly true. As I look around the room, I see that some­times you girls could use some work in the morn­ings.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Kate Melvin

Pro­fes­sor: My wife has many male friends… I don’t ask ques­tions.

–NYU

Law pro­fes­sor: It’s pos­si­ble… Just like it’s pos­si­ble I’ll get rap­tured at any minute.

–NYU Law School

Sean De­vel­ops Eye­abetes

Stu­dent #1: Dude, she’s so frig­gin hot.
Stu­dent #2: Aren’t you mar­ried?
Stu­dent #1: Yeah, but it does­n’t hurt to look. Eye can­dy. Yum yum yum!

–New York Law School

Over­heard by: shak­ing my head at NYLS

Think of the Starv­ing Ba­by Birds in Africa

Guy on cell: Yeah…right…uh huh…hold on a sec­ond.

He leans over and throws up on the side­walk.

Guy on cell: What were you say­ing?

–59th & 5th

Over­heard by: Jeff Hub­bard

Woman #1: I wan­na get re­al­ly stoned so I can throw up.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Just to know I can.

–LIRR

Girl: I want to throw up. Like, I have some puke in the back of my throat.

–Broad­way & West 4th

Over­heard by: Ju­lia

Tonight, on a Very Spe­cial Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

As­tute girl to fe­male friend: Hon­est­ly, I should have re­al­ized we did­n’t stand a chance when he said that Law & Or­der: CI was bet­ter than SVU.

–Green­wich Ave & W10th

Over­heard by: al­ix­thamil­ton

Pissed drunk guy with crew cut, af­ter ex­it­ing restau­rant: Fuck! I missed Nan­cy Grace! Jeezus-Christ­mas!

–Drig­gs Ave & Broad­way, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: T. My­ers

Girl in mer­maid cos­tume: Get ob­sessed with some­thing nor­mal, like Star Trek.

–N Train

NYU gay stu­dent: I am nev­er watch­ing Ad­ven­ture Time at 4 in the morn­ing again.

–We­in­stein Hall, NYU

Over­heard by: MATH­E­MAT­I­CAL!

An­gry gangs­ta on cell: Man! That dude stole my fuck­ing mon­ey! I’­ma kill that fuck­ing nig­ga! (pause) Af­ter I go watch True Blood at mom’s. (pause) Yeah, you can come…

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: E.Major