Archive for April, 2021

Trans­la­tion: She Went Up 2 Cup Sizes

Chick #1: So yeah, all this time I’ve nev­er had PMS be­fore. Like ever. Now that all this hor­mon­al shit is go­ing on, it all caught up with me this past week.
Chick #2: What do you mean?
Chick #1: I’ve been eat­ing M&M’s, Fritos, choco­late-cov­ered pret­zels, and Pow­er­ade this en­tire week, and I can’t go 10 min­utes with­out cry­ing.
Chick #2: Are you prego?
Chick #1: No, I think I just fuck­ing won the en­docrine lot­tery.

–Times Square shut­tle

Over­heard by: Glyn­nis O

Your El­e­va­tor Will Be Sep­a­rate, but Equal

Chick (walk­ing in el­e­va­tor and look­ing at oth­ers): Sor­ry for star­ing, but you all have blue eyes.
Blue-eyed woman: Yeah, we’re all re­lat­ed.
Chick: Re­al­ly?
Blue-eyed woman: Uh, no.
Blue-eyed man: But don’t wor­ry, we’ll be nice to you when we take over.

–El­e­va­tor, Roo­sevelt Hos­pi­tal

The Kind Of Thing We’ve Come to Ex­pect from Blondie.

Blonde in con­vert­ible: Hey, cutie!
Suit: (turns around briefly, keeps walk­ing)
Blonde: Hey! With the nice ass, we were talk­ing to you!
Suit, walk­ing back to con­vert­ible: Yes?
Blonde: My friend here thinks you’re cute and wants your num­ber.
Suit: Uh… I’m flat­tered, but I have a fi­ancee, so I’ll pass.
Brunette dri­ver: I did­n’t ask if you were sin­gle, I said you had a nice ass and I want your num­ber.
Suit: Again, thanks, but no.
Brunette: How about I give you mine?
Blonde: You know, for when the mar­riage does­n’t work out.
Suit: Yeah, no. But you girls have a great day.

–3rd Ave & 46th St