Archive for June, 2021

Probably at His Krispy Kreme Office

Lawyer guy: Don’t worry about that, ma’am. We’re gonna make sure you don’t have to worry about money for a long, long time.
Hobo: Shit, you got some money? Let me hold a million dollars.
Lawyer guy: Ha, ha, ha! No thank you, sir.
Hobo: You ain’t shit, nigga. Fuck you and your gay-ass hair. Where were you when I broke my leg, Mista Lawya?

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Fulton & Nassau

Overheard by: Matt M

Surely She Doesn’t Mean Ronald reggiN?

Woman: …you know, he was much darker than the other kids who were really white, so he was called a nigger. He was dyslexic.
Man: Wha?
Woman: But he was a strong boy. One time when he was bitten by a dog, I came in to his room and he was lying there with blood on him. He didn’t scream or say a word…a very strong boy.
Man: What are you talking about?

–Times Square

It’s Even Hard for Grownups to Grasp

Obese black woman, explaining 911 to seven-year-old daughter: We talk about this every day, honey. The ending’s not gonna change.
Daughter: They put up the flag up after? Didn’t it get dirty?
Obese black woman: Well, they kinda had more important things to deal with. They didn’t have a washing machine there.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Wednesday One-Liners You Can Dance to

Dude: He’s the black, blind Motown equivalent of Kenny G.

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl, while leaving screening of “I am legend”: Okay… I cannot believe the woman did not know Bob Marley! I mean, that had to be the most unrealistic thing in that entire film.

–Fresh Meadows, Queens

Overheard by: hmmm…

Curly-haired chick: Has New Order become an okay kinky sex background band? Am I *old*?

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Poogins

Guy, standing next to guy listening to Journey on his iPod: Get away from me! Just get the fuck away from me!

–2 Train

Dumb girl dressed like Scary Spice en route to the concert: Yeah, a lot of people think that the Spice Girls like, reinstated feminism.

–NJ Transit

Yale grad: Eminem has a wonderful sense of meter.

–Court St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: Justin Casement

Queer: We only stayed for 15 minutes, I’m not that into karaoke. And when a coven of lesbians start casting their spells to “My Sharona”, I was outta there.”

–Chambers & Greenwich

Overheard by: Grand Witch Muffy

You’ll Probably Work Here Some Day.

Mother at window to crying eight-year-old boy: Hsst! Stop! Act like a human, not an animal! Or I won’t bring you here with me again.
(boy keeps crying because his sister stole his toy)
Mother to boy, as they leave: Now, you know you’ve been a very annoying little person, don’t you?

–Post Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Katherine


What is Hardcore? (NYC Short Stories)

Girl: Wow, last night I was so drunk. I can’t believe that I got so
wasted off only a pint of gin. In first year I could drink like twice that amount and party all night.
Guy: So you were hardcore then?
Girl: Naw, I wasn’t hardcore, I was just an idiot.

–NYU A bus

Guy: Have you ever drank the worm?
Girl: Oh, hell yeah. And that’s hardcore ’cause I’m a vegetarian.

–McCabe’s Liquor Store, 3rd Avenue