Archive for July, 2021

A Smor­gash­board Of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman to man: I know! I don’t fry any­thing. I don’t even fry my food any­more.

–47th & 6th

Over­heard by: A very dis­turbed News­bun­ny

Old Jew­ish woman to hus­band hold­ing restau­rant left­overs: It’s a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Is­rael!

–Up­per West Side

Over­heard by: What a waste!

Prep­py guy: At least *I’m* not the one mo­lest­ing fic­tion­al ce­re­al pitch­men.

–Park Slope, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: La­dle

Girl on cell, talk­ing loud­ly: I don’t know what I want, but what­ev­er I want, I want French fries with it.

–John St

Prep­py girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?

–Times Square

Fe­male new stu­dent to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole bur­ri­to-is-a-dick thing.

–6th Ave & 13th St

Over­heard by: Catie

But Fun­ni­ly Enough, What Re­al­ly Set her off was ‘I’m On­ly With you for the Pussy’

Hip­ster guy: So she said in a few years, she would be ready for chil­dren.
Hip­ster girl: So what did you say to her?
Hip­ster guy: I told her in a few years, I would be ready for a pup­py, or a house­plant. Or maybe a moun­tain bike.
Hip­ster girl: That was the wrong an­swer.

–As­to­ria bound N train

Over­heard by: sillyso­cial­work­er