Archive for December, 2021

Urge to Talk to You Fading…Fading…

Salesgirl #1: My friend totally looks like George Costanza.
Salesgirl #2: Wow.
Salesgirl #1: Except picture him 20 years younger.
Salesgirl #2: Okay.
Salesgirl #1: Oh, and with hair.
Salesgirl #2: Uh huh.
Salesgirl #1: And his hair is blonde.
Salesgirl #2: Right…

–Rothman’s, 17th & PAS

Overheard by: shopper

Yeah, You Like That, Don’t You, Monkey?

Barista: So, Sutton Foster was in here the other day.
Friend: Yeah? I don’t really like her…
Barista: What are you, nuts?! She’s great! Oh! A few days ago, like, the whole cast of Spring Awakening came in.
Friend: Oh. Yeah, I didn’t like that show.
Barista, yelling: Honestly, what are you even doing here?! Do you want to be on Broadway? Is this the life you want? Christ, you would think I was talking to a monkey from Indiana.
Friend: Um, sorry?
Barista: Whatever. Forget it. You’re a waste of talent… Want some free sticky bread?

–Starbucks, 47th & 8th

A Shitload Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: I know people that have just cut the bottom off their t‑shirt and pooped into that…

–Broadway & W 25th St

Woman to friend, waiting for light to change: Yes, girl! These damn Activia had my shit wrecked yesterday!

–Park Slope

Girl on cell: Tasha tried it, but she shit to much.

–Broadway & 102nd St

Woman on bus, shouting to bus driver: Fuck! I have to shit! Hurry, I have to shit!

–X10 Bus

Middle aged guy to: Yeah man, the best place to take a dump in high school was at the stadium behind the bleachers.

–71st & Columbus

Overheard by: This Charming Man

20-something to friend: And you know, he pooped on my pillow.

–Gramercy

Mailwoman on cell: Did a pigeon shit on your head, yet?

–Park Ave & 97th


Think about Your Career Options, Then

Hispanic boy #1, taking picture of two others: Yo, stand still. Try not to laugh! Think of dead puppies or dead babies or somethin’.
Hispanic boy #2: But that will make me laugh!

–Lehman College cafeteria

Overheard by: Angelica Cayne