Archive for 2021

Wednesday One-Liners, the Shepherds of New York

Conductor: This is the last stop — Brooklyn Bridge, City Hall. Y’all have a nice day and be good, now… But if you can’t be good, be baaad.

–6 train

Overheard by: Paul Schroeder

Conductor: Good morning, everybody. This is your 7:15 New Haven train, express to Greenwich. To infinity, and beyond!

–Connecticut-bound Metro-North train

MTA worker: This station is now closed. No train is coming here. You all have to get out of here!

–8th St N/Q/R/W station

Overheard by: bKSquared+AV

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please remember that every car of this train has four doors, so 27 people in front of one door — well, it is not scholarship material. Let’s use our brains, people. Then you won’t have to bump your guns and complain that the A is never on time.

–A train, 96th St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Conductor: Attention passengers, the last two cars will not platform at Bellerose, either. That means if the doors didn’t open for you at the last station, they won’t open at Bellerose, either, so stop standing looking confused, and walk forward!

–Hempstead-bound LIRR

Overheard by: Nathalie

Conductor: For those of you standing in the first five cars, the back three cars are almost empty. Come sit down! I’m lonely back here.

–Metro-North

Conductor: And now… the mass exodus!

–F train

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Wednesday One-Liners Rent Bronx Butt-Sluts

Hipster: And I was like, ‘Okay, well, here’s some advice for you, then: Why don’t you peel a banana and shove it up your ass?’

–Bedford Ave

Sassy black girl: Man, I love anal sex! That shit puts me to sleep!

–Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: Auston McLain

Girl to guy: I am not shoving anything in your hole!

–LIRR

Overheard by: mish

Middle-aged man: Now I want you to take your dick out and fuck him in the ass.

–5th Ave & Union

Overheard by: Stephen

Woman on cell: You tell him he better pay for it. I better get his money. He needs a dick up the ass, that’s what he needs. A fucking dick up the ass. ‘Cause I got it. I got it all. So he better fucking pay for it.

–Restroom, JFK

Overheard by: colette

Angry man to friend: Well, fuck you up the ass! You just don’t understand religion!

–Empire State Building, 34th & 5th

Overheard by: Wendy Booz