Archive for 2021

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Will Do Any­thing but Kiss on the Mouth

Woman: Yeah, but just be­cause you can play a dy­ing crack­whore in Rent, that does­n’t mean that you can play a dy­ing crack­whore in Les Mis — they’re two dif­fer­ent kinds of whores!

–Broad­hurst The­atre

Co­lum­bia chick: Yeah, I’d be the Moth­er There­sa of pros­ti­tutes.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Cou­ple ar­gu­ing on the street: You want to talk about the truth, fine — let’s talk about the truth! What about that time I found you up­stairs in our apart­ment smok­ing crack with that pros­ti­tute?

–2nd Ave & E 5th St

Over­heard by: Awestruck Iowan

Girl: Well, of course I’m mad… She’s tak­ing my pimp from me!

–Mall

An­nounc­er: There is a ‘B’-as-in-‘brothel’ train ap­proach­ing the sta­tion.

–59th St, Colum­bus Cir­cle Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Jen­nifer

Chick on cell: I think we’re all hy­po­thet­i­cal hook­ers, to some ex­tent.

–Harlem

Over­heard by: McF

Why Beau­ty Bar Ex­ists.

Nail sa­lon em­ploy­ee #1, walk­ing up to closed nail sa­lon: What? No one opened this morn­ing?
Nail sa­lon em­ploy­ee #2, stand­ing out­side nail sa­lon: No. No one here.
Nail sa­lon em­ploy­ee #1, dis­ap­point­ed: They’re such al­co­holics.

–Bleeck­er St

Over­heard by: dev

Touché, Ann Coul­ter, Touché

Tourist guy #1: New York is cool man, a lot of places to vis­it and shit.
Tourist guy #2: Yeah, I know… I can’t wait to find me one of them horny-ass “Sex in the City” whores to suck me up while I’m here.
Tourist guy #1: That’s a myth, you fag. It ain’t re­al.
Tourist guy #2: Look at those moms over there. I bet they’re crav­ing some young cock.

–Out­side Ra­dio City Mu­sic Hall

Over­heard by: Fat­Cop

Lit­tle Shop Of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Guy to an­oth­er, in line of men wait­ing for their wives: The amount of com­merce that takes place in this store is un­be­liev­able.

–J Crew, So­Ho

Over­heard by: jang­bang

Ghet­to tween to friends: Yo, I want a girl that look like she just come out of Ur­ban Out­fit­ters… Dude, that’s my dream girl.

–The Bronx

Over­heard by: wink

Ob­nox­ious stu­dent: I don’t have time to go to Old Navy and buy my­self a t‑shirt!

–NYU

Moth­er to child in the check-out line: If your fa­ther asks, this was on sale.

–Toys R Us, Times Square

Over­heard by: Emi­ly G.

That’s What You Said About the BP Spill!

Cashier #1, hand­ing tow­el to cowork­er who just spilled so­da: There ya go!
Cashier #2: Don’t mat­ter. I’m get­ting fucked tonight any­way.

–Sbar­ros, Times Square

The Se­cret is Out!

A Wendy’s em­ploy­ee, fresh off his break, pre­tends to be a cus­tomer.

Wendy’s Guy #1: Hel­lo, sir. Wel­come to Wendy’s. Can I take your or­der?
Wendy’s Guy #2: I want a Big Mac.
Wendy’s Guy #1: A Big Mac?
Wendy’s Girl: I don’t want a Big Mac but I want that sauce.
Wendy’s Guy #2: Yeah, it’s pret­ty good.
Wendy’s Girl: Is­n’t it just 1000 is­land dress­ing?

–Wendy’s, Ben­son­hurst

You Mean Like Ba­con?

Boyfriend: So, my bud­dy’s cel­e­brat­ing Rosh Hashanah to­mor­row, and he said he’ll bring me some matzah ball soup.
Girl­friend: He’s cel­e­brat­ing what? And giv­ing you what?
Boyfriend: Some Jew­ish hol­i­day. Some Jew­ish food.
Girl­friend: Ah.

–2 train

Over­heard by: