Archive for 2021

The Writers Switched From Funny to Educational

Tween girl #1: I’m gonna call that number 1 – 800-DIVORCE. I want to divorce my parents.
Tween boy: You can’t divorce your parents, stupid. Can you marry your parents? No!
Tween girl #1: Technically, technically you can but that’s just sick.
Tween girl #2: You’re not really divorcing your parents. It’s more like they giving up they rights.
Tween girl #1: Look, I call it divorcing your parents because that’s what they called it on The Simpsons so that’s why I say it.

–Q train

So to Speak

20-something to guy in bus line: Hey man, what are you doing in the city?
Guy in bus line: I was in the Bronx all day shooting a trailer for a porno.
20-something: Whoa! What was that like?
Guy in bus line: Well, I was standing at attention too early, and then this girl takes off her clothes, and I didn’t even know her name, yo… it was crazy, yo.
20-something: Was it like you thought it would be?
Guy in bus line: What do you mean?
20-something: Well, in the movies it always looks so passionate…
Guy in bus line: Well, we were pretty nervous… and I didn’t see the final cut.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Irishital

The Difference? An Average of 50 Lbs

High school girl #1: Yeah, Americans have no moral values. The United States hasn’t had good morals since, like, the 17th century.
High school girl #2: Yeah, I know.
High school girl #1: I mean, you could walk down the street naked and no one would say anything. That would never happen in Europe.
High school girl #2: Yeah, but in France women wear tight, revealing clothing, too.
High school girl #1: But in France it’s fashionable. Here it’s just slutty.

–Victory Blvd, Staten Island

Overheard by: The US wasn’t a country in the 17th century…

Oh, No! You Didn’t Dis the Hat!

Crazy dancing Jewish man: Hey, are you Jewish? Are you? Hey, I can tell you are! You look so Jewish! I know you are!
Woman: Why? Just because I have a fat ass and a big diamond ring? Fuck you and your big hat.

–14th St, in front of Purim Truck