Archive for 2021

Wednesday One-Liners Publish or Perish

Professor: I’m gonna show you a little old insertion trick that my grandmother taught me. It works great.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: wba2101

Professor: Everyone is here except the person who is not here.

–City College

Overheard by: ClaRity

Latin professor: So, what Tibullus is trying to say is that old women have to be in the beauty parlor a lot! Beauty doesn’t come as easily as when you’re 18 and always looking great… Well, I suppose that’s not exactly true. As I look around the room, I see that sometimes you girls could use some work in the mornings.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Professor: My wife has many male friends… I don’t ask questions.

–NYU

Law professor: It’s possible… Just like it’s possible I’ll get raptured at any minute.

–NYU Law School

Sean Develops Eyeabetes

Student #1: Dude, she’s so friggin hot.
Student #2: Aren’t you married?
Student #1: Yeah, but it doesn’t hurt to look. Eye candy. Yum yum yum!

–New York Law School

Overheard by: shaking my head at NYLS

Think of the Starving Baby Birds in Africa

Guy on cell: Yeah…right…uh huh…hold on a second.

He leans over and throws up on the sidewalk. 

Guy on cell: What were you saying?

–59th & 5th

Overheard by: Jeff Hubbard

Woman #1: I wanna get really stoned so I can throw up.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Just to know I can.

–LIRR

Girl: I want to throw up. Like, I have some puke in the back of my throat.

–Broadway & West 4th

Overheard by: Julia 

Tonight, on a Very Special Wednesday One-Liners

Astute girl to female friend: Honestly, I should have realized we didn’t stand a chance when he said that Law & Order: CI was better than SVU.

–Greenwich Ave & W10th

Overheard by: alixthamilton

Pissed drunk guy with crew cut, after exiting restaurant: Fuck! I missed Nancy Grace! Jeezus-Christmas!

–Driggs Ave & Broadway, Williamsburg

Overheard by: T. Myers

Girl in mermaid costume: Get obsessed with something normal, like Star Trek.

–N Train

NYU gay student: I am never watching Adventure Time at 4 in the morning again.

–Weinstein Hall, NYU

Overheard by: MATHEMATICAL!

Angry gangsta on cell: Man! That dude stole my fucking money! I’ma kill that fucking nigga! (pause) After I go watch True Blood at mom’s. (pause) Yeah, you can come…

–Port Authority

Overheard by: E.Major