Remote control car vendor #1, to hot chick passerby: Hey, baby, I got a pretty girl discount!
Remote control car vendor #2: Yeah, I’m giving out free babies. Free babies!
–181st & Broadway
Overheard by: Josh H
Remote control car vendor #1, to hot chick passerby: Hey, baby, I got a pretty girl discount!
Remote control car vendor #2: Yeah, I’m giving out free babies. Free babies!
–181st & Broadway
Overheard by: Josh H
Hipster, walking to registers with an armload of toothpaste: Who wants me?
Cashiers: (stare blankly, not moving)
Hipster: What, no one wants me? Ah, damn. That’s sad.
–Duane Reade
Dude #1: The best weekend you ever had?
Dude #2: Yeah, dude. The best weekend I ever had, the weekend it happened was the weekend of the Fourth of July weekend…
Dude #1: I love it when that weekend falls on that weekend!
Dude #3: That’s always a great weekend!
–97th St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: P. Marino
Hobo, singing: Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb! Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was…
Man, holding out dollar: I will give you one dollar to shut the fuck up.
Hobo: (shuts up)
–14th St Subway Station
Conductor: This is Willets Point/Shea Stadium. You know, home of the other team. (passengers laugh) You may laugh, but we all know no one really likes the Mets. Anyhoo, have a nice day, everyone. Stand clear of the closing doors.
–7 Train
Overheard by: Kristen
20-something guy wearing Red Sox hat to girlfriend: There’s no way we can have kids in New York. They’d be going to school with a bunch of brainwashed Yankee fan offspring, and every night we’d have to be telling them bedtime stories that end with “and they all lived happily every after, except for Derek Jeter, because he’s a fuckin’ asshole.”
–1 Train
Young woman on cell: I’m from New York, but live in Boston, but want to move back to New York… It’s hard being a Yankees fan surrounded by fucking Red Sox fans. I can’t do it anymore.
–L Train
Overheard by: I agree…
Subway conductor: Yankees fans. This is a Bronx-bound express D. This will not stop at Yankee stadium. Transfer at the next station to the B. (20 minutes later) Yankees fans. I promise you this train will not stop at Yankee stadium. You can transfer to the B at the next station. Or you could just not go to the game. The choice is yours.
–D Train
20-something mother to another, trying hard to look knowledgeable: The Yankees and Mets are playing two games today, the first at Yankee stadium and the second at Fenway, where the Mets play.
–Barnes & Noble Cafe
Woman in Jesus t‑shirt: Jesus hates the Yankees.
–Uptown C Train
Overheard by: Penny
Conductor to packed train: Attention, attention passengers. To all Yankee fans on this train, please have a safe day today, and enjoy the game. Personally, I am a Red Sox fan. That is all.
–Uptown 4 Train
Latina: People are always saying I look Asian. Do you see it?
Asian guy: Well, you know, Mexicans look a lot like Asians.
White girl: Yeah, they have those same narrow eyes.
Asian guy: And they’re short.
–Amy’s Bread, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
German tourist #1: We went to the Jewish Heritage Museum yesterday and the security was crazy! The metal detector reacted to the button of my jeans, they didn’t let me carry my bag, and I had to hand in my jacket as well. They didn’t even do that when we toured the UN building!
German tourist #2: Maybe you were just racially profiled.
–Staten Island Ferry
Little girl: Where are we going now?
Mother: Chinatown.
Little girl: Vagina town?
Mother, chuckling: No — China-town.
Little girl, coyly: Well, I live in peeenis-town.
Mother: Okay, Lila.
–Union Square
Overheard by: S.S.
Queer: Hey! Nice tits!
Morbidly obese fag hag: Hey, thanks!
–Metropolitan & Humboldt
Overheard by: dani d
Hipster guy: So, I just don’t have room.
Smartass girl: You have room for me in your bed.
Hipster guy, after long pause: Ummm, maybe.
–St. Mark’s & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Yours Truly
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist