Archive for 2021

Bitch, Say My Or­der! Say It!

Guy at Star­bucks: You know just how I like it, right?
Barista: No, I re­al­ly have no idea.

–West 4th & Wash­ing­ton Square East

Over­heard by: Sa­har

And the Gyp­sies Just Aren’t Nab­bing Them Like They Used to

Flus­tered woman, about her brood: Have we lost any­one yet?
Hus­band: Um­mm… No.
Flus­tered woman: Well, who are we go­ing to lose first? Be­cause we haven’t lost any­one yet.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Josh

Head­line by: Aeirlys

Run­ners-Up:
· “Be­cause Abor­tion THIS Late in the Term Is Just Tacky” — Hillary Claire
· “Ho­bos Aren’t Born. They’re Made.” — Kriszti­na
· “It Looked So Much Eas­i­er in Home Alone” — You Don’t Want To Know
· “Things Were Shaky Un­til Fraulein Maria Came Along” — al­li­son
· “Two Roads Di­verged in the Woods — I Chose the One My Chil­dren Could­n’t Trav­el” — Drewp

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

And Any Num­ber Of Ad­di­tion­al Holes

Goth chick #1: You wan­na go out Fri­day?
Goth chick #2: I ain’t got no mon­ey. Well, I do, but I’m sav­ing up for a tat­too.
Goth chick #1: Oh, you fi­nal­ly got a job?
Goth chick #2: No. But a woman at an in­ter­view told me I should take the rings out of my lip if I want a pro­fes­sion­al job. So I’m gonna. I mean I’m 22 I need to grow up.
Goth chick #1: And the nose ring?
Goth chick #2: No way! I may have to grow up but I still have style.

–F Train

Over­heard by: wig­guynyc

Wait, So Where Are We, Again?

Chick #1: Which one of these coun­tries does not bor­der Ar­genti­na? Brazil, Uruguay, Pe­ru, or Bo­livia?
Chick #2: Pe­ru, duh.
Chick #3: Ob­vi­ous­ly. [Makes note on pa­per, read­ing aloud] Pe­ru, Eu­rope.
Chick #2: Pe­ru’s not in Eu­rope, dude.
Chick #3: No, no, be­cause all the oth­er coun­tries are in South Amer­i­ca, the rea­son Pe­ru is­n’t con­nect­ed is be­cause it’s in Eu­rope!

–NYU

Step Three: Re­vise Facts to Fit Hy­poth­e­sis

Girl #1: So, you’re a veg­e­tar­i­an?
Girl #2: Yep. Eat­ing an­i­mals kills.
Girl #1: Wait, but you had sushi the oth­er night.
Girl #2: Fish does­n’t count. It’s, like, not an an­i­mal.
Girl #1: Huh? Yeah, it is. It, like, breathes and stuff.
Girl #2: But it’s un­der­wa­ter.
Girl #1: No, it’s an an­i­mal, ’cause it moves around and swims.
Girl #2: Then how come I can eat it?

–NYU