Archive for 2021

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Kings Coun­ty

Schol­ar: Brook­lyn is the Paris of New York.

–Grand Army Plaza Sta­tion, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: iv­el

Crazy: Fuck Brook­lyn! I can pay for Brook­lyn on any oth­er day. Yes, that’s right — I’m a black man, and I am not go­ing to Brook­lyn. What do you know about that! And you, you’re a Jew. I’ll still pray for you. Wher­ev­er we end up, I’ll still pray for you. Fuck all you peo­ple. Ex­cept you, Jew. I love you.

–L train from 6th Ave to 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Nash As­tor

Girl: I just don’t like liv­ing in Brook­lyn. My place is, like, four whole blocks away from Dunkin’ Donuts.

–Tena­cious D al­bum sign­ing, Vir­gin Mega­s­tore

Guy: So­bri­ety is my back, I am the camel, and Brook­lyn is the straw.

–A/C/E sub­way plat­form, Low­er West Side

Over­heard by: Ma­g­a­ret

La­dy: I like the brown eggs more than the white. Well, I have 12 at home in my fridge — it’s like Brook­lyn in there.

–15th St & Union Square West

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are a Re­al Page-Turn­er

Woman: He read a book on fist­ing, and now he wants to share it with his class.

–L train

Dude: They should have made Be­owulf in­to a book — they would have made a lot more mon­ey.

–34th & 8th

Over­heard by: Lethe­aBu

Girl: It used to be the on­ly rea­son I liked An­na Quindlen was ’cause she was blind. Now it’s like, ‘Dude, she can read?!’

–Barnard Col­lege

NYU bim­bette to stu­dious friend: Your prob­lem is that you read for all your class­es. So­bri­ety and schol­ar­ly. Those are your prob­lems.

–Star­bucks, W 4th St

Over­heard by: wine girl

Nine-year-old girl: I for­got my book, and I was sup­posed to do a re­port on it! Now what am I go­ing to do?! I’m so se­nile.

–JFK

Over­heard by: mr itchie

Book-hawk­ing hobo: … And this is my new book, ‘If You Don’t Beat Your Chil­dren, They’ll End Up Like Me’!

–6 train

Over­heard by: Zarek

Wednes­day Con­ga Lin­ers

Man on cell: Yeah, so do you know that show Danc­ing with the Stars? They got the idea for it from the cam­era in my show­er.

–6th Ave & 55th St

Over­heard by: Ali­cia

Ag­ing badass to la­dy friend: Yeah, I to­tal­ly got es­cort­ed out of a Tom Pet­ty con­cert for danc­ing in the aisles.

–17th St & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: Orig­i­nal Badass

Black guy: Hey every­body! Stop what you’re do­ing! There’s two black guys about to dance on this train! That’s some­thing you don’t see of­ten!

–A Train

Flam­boy­ant gay man to friend: You can’t sashay in there. There’s no room to sashay at all.

–Out­side LGBT Com­mu­ni­ty Cen­ter, dur­ing Fur Ball

Over­heard by: pan­darants

Drunk Asian girl: It’s al­ways time to dance in North Ko­rea.

–2nd St & Ave B