Archive for 2021

If My Heart Made Blood I Would­n’t Need to Buy Pup­pies

Store guy: You know, I used to smoke 2–3 packs a day. It’s re­al­ly not good for you.
Dude: Are you gonna give me a dis­count on Nicorette, then?
Store guy: We don’t have it…but you don’t need that stuff any­way. It does­n’t work. All you re­al­ly need is your–

He taps his hand on his chest.

Dude: If my heart made nico­tine I would­n’t need to buy cig­a­rettes.

–Du­ane Reade, 49th & 9th

Over­heard by: Katie

And I Know a Lot about Ug­ly

Yup­pie woman #1: So, why don’t you buy their prod­ucts? Is it be­cause of the whole child la­bor thing?
Yup­pie woman #2: No, I don’t give a shit about that — I’m a Re­pub­li­can. I just think their prod­ucts are ug­ly.

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: Gra­ham Davis

The Man Says What We’re All Think­ing

PA an­nounce­ment: The MTA would like to re­mind you that if you see some­thing, say some­thing.
MTA em­ploy­ee, mut­ter­ing to self: If you see some­thin, say noth­in’, then run like hell.

–Penn Sta­tion

NY1 Top Sto­ry: Child Pro­tec­tion Ser­vices Tak­en Over by MTA

Voice over PA, as train is pulling out of the sta­tion: How you gonna let your child run around like that? You call your­self a moth­er? I could’ve closed the doors on your child and then what? You would’ve been all sad and shit but I was nice, I chose to keep the doors open. You call your­self a moth­er… let­tin’ your child run around on the sub­way…

–1 train

Over­heard by: LSB