Man #1: She’s got a kid, and I want no part of that. But I like her a lot…
Man #2: Right.
Man #1: I mean, she’s not that attractive, you know, but she has a nice ass.
–3 train
Overheard by: rat
Archive for 2021
If My Heart Made Blood I Wouldn’t Need to Buy Puppies
Store guy: You know, I used to smoke 2–3 packs a day. It’s really not good for you.
Dude: Are you gonna give me a discount on Nicorette, then?
Store guy: We don’t have it…but you don’t need that stuff anyway. It doesn’t work. All you really need is your–
He taps his hand on his chest.
Dude: If my heart made nicotine I wouldn’t need to buy cigarettes.
–Duane Reade, 49th & 9th
Overheard by: Katie
And I Know a Lot about Ugly
Yuppie woman #1: So, why don’t you buy their products? Is it because of the whole child labor thing?
Yuppie woman #2: No, I don’t give a shit about that — I’m a Republican. I just think their products are ugly.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Graham Davis
Our Best Guess Is Uncle Walter
Little girl: … And then she said that I had herpes.
Woman #1: Coño.
Woman #2: Where do kids get this stuff?
–Lincoln Center
Sasha Cohen: I Am a Fucking Olympian, Dickwad
Midwestern man, about woman spinning in center of ice rink: Awww, someone’s reflecting on times passed.
New Yorker: Look at that chick in the middle — thinks she’s a fuckin’ Olympian! [Yells at her] Nice work, retard!
–Rockefeller Center
It Ain’t Racism Unless It’s Gratuitous
Urban Man #1: Man, I can’t stand these black folks movin’ into our neighborhoods, man!
Urban Man #2: You’re black.
Urban Man #1: Pygmies an’ flapjacks!!
–Malcom X and MLK Blvds.
The Man Says What We’re All Thinking
PA announcement: The MTA would like to remind you that if you see something, say something.
MTA employee, muttering to self: If you see somethin, say nothin’, then run like hell.
–Penn Station
NY1 Top Story: Child Protection Services Taken Over by MTA
Voice over PA, as train is pulling out of the station: How you gonna let your child run around like that? You call yourself a mother? I could’ve closed the doors on your child and then what? You would’ve been all sad and shit but I was nice, I chose to keep the doors open. You call yourself a mother… lettin’ your child run around on the subway…
–1 train
Overheard by: LSB
All This Time I Thought “He Brew” Was a Boy Bar
Cocktail waitress #1: Wait… isn’t he gay?
Cocktail waitress #2: No, he’s married.
Cocktail waitress #1: Oh, I guess I was mistaking his Jewishness for gayness.
–Thom Bar
And Replaced Them with a Slushy Two
Woman: Did you get off?
Friend: No! The weatherman retracted his 10 inches.
–Times Square
