Archive for 2021

If My Heart Made Blood I Wouldn’t Need to Buy Puppies

Store guy: You know, I used to smoke 2–3 packs a day. It’s really not good for you.
Dude: Are you gonna give me a discount on Nicorette, then?
Store guy: We don’t have it…but you don’t need that stuff anyway. It doesn’t work. All you really need is your–

He taps his hand on his chest.

Dude: If my heart made nicotine I wouldn’t need to buy cigarettes. 

–Duane Reade, 49th & 9th

Overheard by: Katie

And I Know a Lot about Ugly

Yuppie woman #1: So, why don’t you buy their products? Is it because of the whole child labor thing?
Yuppie woman #2: No, I don’t give a shit about that — I’m a Republican. I just think their products are ugly.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Graham Davis

The Man Says What We’re All Thinking

PA announcement: The MTA would like to remind you that if you see something, say something.
MTA employee, muttering to self: If you see somethin, say nothin’, then run like hell.

–Penn Station

NY1 Top Story: Child Protection Services Taken Over by MTA

Voice over PA, as train is pulling out of the station: How you gonna let your child run around like that? You call yourself a mother? I could’ve closed the doors on your child and then what? You would’ve been all sad and shit but I was nice, I chose to keep the doors open. You call yourself a mother… lettin’ your child run around on the subway…

–1 train

Overheard by: LSB