20-something guy to friend: You’re girlfriend’s a model? Nice! (pause) My girlfriend did modeling once.
20-something friend: Yeah?
20-something guy: Yeah. She was too short, though.
–Prince St, Soho
Overheard by: Katherine
Archive for 2021
Mama Told Me Not to Come to This Wednesday One-Liner
Man on cell: So… I left my backpack at the private secret robot party last night… Can you pick it up for me?
–Bowery & Spring
Overheard by: Annie
MILF wannabe on cell: On the Hamptons–it has the sexiest parties I’ve ever been to in the United States: men come up to you! And dance… with you!
–Gansevort Rooftop
Guy on cell: So you know how I wasn’t going to the Christmas party? So somebody drags me anyway, and I walk in, and those three girls–all the ones I did it with? Are together at the same table. And I’m like, “shit, man!” So I left.
–Astor Place
30-something girl: Me and my girlfriend went to the bar for an anti-valentines day party last night. You bring a picture of your ex, they rip it up, and give you a free drink!
–7th Ave & 39th
Overheard by: Carolyn
The Giulianification of Times Square Continues
Woman: Um, excuse me but there’s no sugar at either station.
Barista girl: There’s no sugar. We ran out.
Woman: None?
Barista girl: No, they ain’t got any on 42nd either.
–Starbucks, 43rd & 8th
Of Course, I Missed Like Every Science Class Ever
Hipster girl: Gosh, I’m like Pavlov’s dog!
Guy: What the hell is that?
Hipster girl: You don’t know? They teach it in, like, every science class ever!
Guy: So, what is it?
Hipster girl: It has something to do with bells and drool, I’m not really sure.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Tres Chic
When Served with Ketchup, It’s Black and White and Red All Over
Girl #1: Did you know that there’s a cheeseburger that costs a thousand dollars?
Girl #2: What is it made out of? Panda meat?
–Hinch’s, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
We Are.
Girl #1: Girl, are you pregnant?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: By who?
Girl #2: G. He momma on welfare, though, so I ain’t worried.
–East Harlem
Overheard by: Vega
No One Wants to Drink with Congressmen
Twink #1: What’s that place across the street like?
Twink #2: Ugh. A total Foley bar.
Twink #1: Ew.
–Outside The Hanger Bar, Christopher St
Overheard by: Joe Jervis
I Wonder What He Thought He Meant
Guy #1: So, I’m thinking about getting circumcised.
Guy #2: Oh, okay then.
–Elevator, 181st St
Overheard by: LSB
Make That Flapjack Nice and Sticky
Guy #1: Yeah man, she’s kind of a hippie. I mean, her name is Maple.
Guy #2: Maple? You should tap that shit.
–3rd Avenue & 11th Street
Overheard by: thejosh
They’re Not Made with Real Girl Scouts
Homeless man to group of people: Excuse me, do you have any spare change?
Humanitarian: No, but here are some cookies.
Homeless man: I’m a vegetarian.
–W 57th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Chris
