Employee: Welcome to Staples! Can I help you find something?
Lucky guy: Yeah, actually — staples.
–Staples, Union Square
Archive for 2021
We Prefer the Term “Dramasexual”
Guy #1: I never should have done this show.
Guy #2: Why?
Guy #1: I’m totally in musical theater fag Hell.
–22nd & 8th
…By Glazing Over the Truth.
Old lady covered in baby powder: Give me six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, which ones?
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: These are all donuts… Which ones?
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, I’ll just give you a selection of six. (starts putting random donuts in bag)
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts, don’t trick me.
–Flatbush, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Save the Whales, Save the Whole Thing
You Keep Saying It, We’ll Keep Posting It
Black girl: Some motherfucker put me on this site called overheardinnewyork.com. It’s so fucked up. Why would anyone put what I said on the streets to a site? This shit is not fucking funny.
Black guy: What was put up? I gotta check this out, this shit sounds funny.
Black girl: You were there, it was the time I told this Chinese nigger to apologize and he ended up telling me to go fuck myself, and it was posted by some motherfucker called Ting. Is that even a real fucking name?
Black guy: Yeah, I remember that, that shit was hilarious.
Black girl: Fuck you laughing at? Don’t make me rip your balls out.
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: Ting (again!)
Wednesday One-liners
Drunk Guy: That girl’s tits are huge! And it’s snowing!
–Fordham
A man on a tandem bicycle turns to the woman on it and says: You know, it’s remarkable just how much like weddings funerals actually are.
–Varick Street
Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz
Or More Of a Leisure Activity?
Lawyer’s, interviewing prospective jurors: Have you or anyone in your family been the victim of a crime?
50-something woman: Well, we’ve all been mugged… is that a crime?
–New York Supreme Court
Overheard by: Robin
…And I’m the Smart One
Girl #1: I don’t know why everyone always tells me I look like my sister.
Girl #2: You do!
Girl #1: I mean, I know we look the same but our personalities are completely different.
–LaGuardia Airport
And You Should Be Able to Understand Why I Bit Down
Guy: It’s just that, well, fucking you didn’t live up to my fantasy of fucking you.
Girl, after long pause: Yeah, I guess I can understand that…
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Devin
Just a Vestige, Like Your Tail
Mother to daughter wearing a Pink Princess backpack: Hold up, honey, mommy needs to get something out of your bag.
(mother removes pack of cigarettes and lighter from bag)
Husband to wife: You have no shame.
–Central Park
And Momma Bear Said, “This Advice Is Too Friendly”
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, due to an earlier incident, all Sixth Avenue line trains are running over the Eighth Avenue line. Please be patient.
Confused tourist lady: What does that even mean? I don’t understand.
Suit: It means that if you want to take any of the trains on the orange line you transfer at the next station like normal, but instead of going downstairs you just wait on that platform for the train you want.
Middle-aged woman across aisle: They’re not orange line trains. It’s the B, the D, the F and the V. Real New Yorkers don’t call it the orange line.
Suit: Hey, lady, fuck you. There, is that New York enough for ya?
–E train approaching W 4th St
