Archive for 2021

…By Glaz­ing Over the Truth.

Old la­dy cov­ered in ba­by pow­der: Give me six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, which ones?
Old la­dy cov­ered in ba­by pow­der: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: These are all donuts… Which ones?
Old la­dy cov­ered in ba­by pow­der: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, I’ll just give you a se­lec­tion of six. (starts putting ran­dom donuts in bag)
Old la­dy cov­ered in ba­by pow­der: Six donuts, don’t trick me.

–Flat­bush, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Save the Whales, Save the Whole Thing

You Keep Say­ing It, We’ll Keep Post­ing It

Black girl: Some moth­er­fuck­er put me on this site called overheardinnewyork.com. It’s so fucked up. Why would any­one put what I said on the streets to a site? This shit is not fuck­ing fun­ny.
Black guy: What was put up? I got­ta check this out, this shit sounds fun­ny.
Black girl: You were there, it was the time I told this Chi­nese nig­ger to apol­o­gize and he end­ed up telling me to go fuck my­self, and it was post­ed by some moth­er­fuck­er called Ting. Is that even a re­al fuck­ing name?
Black guy: Yeah, I re­mem­ber that, that shit was hi­lar­i­ous.
Black girl: Fuck you laugh­ing at? Don’t make me rip your balls out.

–Q46 bus

Over­heard by: Ting (again!)

…And I’m the Smart One

Girl #1: I don’t know why every­one al­ways tells me I look like my sis­ter.
Girl #2: You do!
Girl #1: I mean, I know we look the same but our per­son­al­i­ties are com­plete­ly dif­fer­ent.

–La­Guardia Air­port

And Mom­ma Bear Said, “This Ad­vice Is Too Friend­ly”

Con­duc­tor: Ladies and gen­tle­men, due to an ear­li­er in­ci­dent, all Sixth Av­enue line trains are run­ning over the Eighth Av­enue line. Please be pa­tient.
Con­fused tourist la­dy: What does that even mean? I don’t un­der­stand.
Suit: It means that if you want to take any of the trains on the or­ange line you trans­fer at the next sta­tion like nor­mal, but in­stead of go­ing down­stairs you just wait on that plat­form for the train you want.
Mid­dle-aged woman across aisle: They’re not or­ange line trains. It’s the B, the D, the F and the V. Re­al New York­ers don’t call it the or­ange line.
Suit: Hey, la­dy, fuck you. There, is that New York enough for ya?

–E train ap­proach­ing W 4th St